Well, my begging for votes for Hope Solo, just so Rob Kardashian wouldn’t make it to the final, didn’t work out, and I can’t blame anyone but Hope. Last week, her “dancing” was even worse than usual. And her bad sportsmanship was appalling, especially for an Olympic athlete.

More on that in a sec, but, as much as I’m rooting for J.R., on so many levels, I was a little shocked at his attitude, as well. It’s great to be serious about a competition that you’re in, even one as petty as Dancing With The Stars, but he’s just way too intense when he doesn’t do as well as expected. It’s easy to be happy for him when he’s doing great, but it would be lovely to see him be a good sport when his performance falls a little short, as well. I’m still begging you all to vote for him, though. More on that topic after I rant about Hope for a little bit.

Maks, (Hope’s professional dance partner, in case you’re from another planet,) looked miserable all season, and I think that that’s where his bad attitude came from. In the beginning of the season, he was thrilled that he got an athlete to train, because he assumed that, in addition to having the right training mind-set, she would then be on his physical level, which would then make everything easier. But instead, he got a big, uncomfortable, insecure lummox, and he was barely able to crack a smile during all these long months.

Maks has been frustrated this whole time, and who can blame him? Hope turned-out to be a totally uptight person who needed to be on one of those psychological doctor shows instead of a dance one. Her DWTS’s experience seemed to just worsen her obvious inferiority complex, rather than help it. Even the way she talks is weird and uncomfortable.

And her “dancing” was brutal. How could she not have known how bad she was??? When Maks was just pulling her around, she was okay, because he was doing all the work. But out of hold, ugh. Her two dances the week before last were her best ever, but her hands in the jive were hard to watch. Why didn’t she just close them? That’s not hard to do.

I really do understand Maks sticking up for her when the judges were bordering on cruel a few weeks ago, but there’s no way he didn’t know she was dreadful.

Hope was involved in some big soccer controversy several years ago, and I believe she was kicked-off the national soccer team. The coach had taken her out of a game in favor of a lesser (in just about everyone’s opinion) goalie who wound-up flubbing a few catches, which cost their team the game. After the loss, Hope gave television interviews saying she knows she would have made those saves. That’s just not done in sport, dissing a team member. (Unless you’re Shaq and Kobe, of course.) I’ve heard her state that she learned her lesson from that experience, but I guess it’s hard to change a bad attitude of entitlement.

I’m sure it’s hard to be criticized so much, especially on national television, but an athlete, more than just about any other profession, should be able to hold their tongue. Or at least state it better.

So, Hope and Maks are out of the Dancing With The Stars final, [note: I hate it when people say “finalS,” plural--it's just one, singular final] and we’re left with the two teams we’ve all expected to be there from Day 1, J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff, and Ricki Lake and Derek Hough, and one shocker, Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke, a duo who just skated through the season and are left standing. I’m sure Rob’s creepy family tweeting for votes didn’t hurt either, despite the fact that I still haven’t ever met even one person anywhere who watches their shows, or cares about them even one little whit. Nobody I know even disses them; they’re just a non-topic.

I really hope that J.R. wins because he’s by far the best dancer. The big problem is that we viewers don’t vote for just the supposed celeb; we vote for the pro dancers who we all are much more familiar with than we are with the weirdo beyond-D-list competitors the producers choose. And Derek is, again by far, the most popular dancer on that show. So, voters could possibly make Ricki the winner just because she had the great fortune to get Derek as her partner.

And, from everything I’ve read over the years, viewers really like Cheryl Burke, (though I don’t get that,) and seem to hate Karina. It’s perhaps a jealousy thing because I think most voters are female and Karina’s sexiness is a threat to them while Cheryl’s basic-ness is not.

But dear readers of this E-zine, here’s my plea for fair voting: J.R is the best dancer. Plus, he’s also been through so much pain in his short life that I want him to catch-up on happiness. Outside of being heavy and getting a divorce, two normal things that millions upon millions of people go through, Ricki has skated by in life. And talk about skating by–Rob has had a charmed life, outside of losing his father who I’m about to give you my negative thoughts on, and he’s already gotten more out of this dancing experience than anyone could have expected at the beginning.

So, here’s what you gotta do to vote for J.R. Tonight, if you’re so inclined to do the fair thing: The phone number for J.R. And Karina is 1-800-868-3410 and you can dial it from 8PM-10:30PM tonight. (Again, you don’t even have to watch the show to vote.) And each phone line is allowed only a few votes, so it’s not a lot of work. And remember–don’t let them tell you that “your time zone is currently closed,” because it’s not true until after 10:30PM. You can also vote at abc.com until tomorrow morning.

Okay, so we all get my points about why I really want J.R. to win, right? Good. So now, I have some extra thoughts on the show, which I didn’t want to cloud my message from the first half of this column, which is, (in case you didn’t get it because I rambled on about Hope for a bit): PLEASE VOTE FOR J.R. AND KARINA!!! Here are those thoughts:

Hope Solo just plodded around, with her shoulders hunched over. She did the steps more-or-less correctly; she just can’t dance. Some people just have no dance ability, no matter how hard they try. I do think that Hope tried hard and gave it her all, but she just has no dancing talent. Most people don’t, as a matter of fact. Just go to a white person’s wedding. Or worse, bar mitzvah. (Although Jewish girls really can dance, for the most part.)

I know one or two people who try really hard in this category, as well, with no luck. I’m sure they think they can dance, but talk about denial. I know what I suck at, which is almost everything athletic, (except for pool, basketball, and volleyball,) and playing any instrument or singing. So why doesn’t everyone??? (Know what they suck at, not what I do!)

But I was shocked at what a bad sport Hope was! She and Maks did get screwed, though, with missing out on all the publicity afforded to the earlier-eliminated contestants. (No Jimmy Kimmel rant for them, no GMA, and most likely nothing else—the show had already moved on to promote their finalists. Rude. It’s the rush job that the first runners-up get at beauty pageants.)

A note regarding how J.R. Twisted his ankle last week: that’s why your not supposed to dance with sneakers on wooden floors! They just don’t give enough.

I’ve read tons of comments about Maks’ actions this season, on many sites, and I can really see both points. But I agree with the most prevalent view, which is that Carrie Anne is an unknowledgeable bi-atch and Maks is correct to speak his mind. Carrie Ann and Bruno Tonioli are not–I repeat, are not, ballroom dancers, so who are they to judge champions like Maks and the other pros??? Len Goodman is the only one on the panel who is qualified.

Some commenters have the same thought about Carrie Anne that’s occurred to me over the years, as well–that she has an unrequited crush on Maks, like girls in old-time romance comics, and that’s why she’s always ragging on him and talking down to him. Like last week when she reprimanded him, “You can smile all you want, Maks, but” blah blah blah. He wasn’t doing anything, but I think she just wants to try to create some drama with him. Get in line, honey!

I still want J.R to win because he deserves it, but over the last two weeks he’s lost me a bit with his way too intense intensity. He’s always been a good sport when he’s ahead of the pack, but not behind them. That’s the only part that’s unattractive about him. David Arquette would have laughed off the mistakes while privately agonizing over them.

Are we not supposed to notice that Bruce Jenner looks like a woman? Especially when he’s wearing two little diamond earrings, as opposed to hoops. And his wife looks like a man, so there you have it– their connection in a nutshell!

Also, this I’m sure is in the category of letting dead dogs lie, but I have to say it. I really believe that Robert Kardashian, Senior, knew that OJ killed his wife and Ron Goldman, (a guy who was starting a business with my friends, and whom I was supposed to meet the next week, by the way) and that Robert Sr. helped OJ cover it up, rather than report what he knew. I was really hoping that he would have been man enough to leave a note confirming (or even denying) that fact, to be opened upon his death. I could be wrong about it all, but I really don’t think so.

Okay, now that I’ve brought the room down a taste, I’m out of here. I have to gather all my phones to have ready to vote for J.R. and Karina tonight!

Sometimes when I plan one column for a specific day, something else comes along that demands our immediate attention. This is one of those times.

There are a couple of topics from this week’s competition shows that I must address before I explode.

The wonderful Nick Cannon.

One is: how can the wonderful Nick Cannon not have been nominated for a Best Host Emmy??? Are they insane? He’s perfect! But creepy, phony, old-music-hall-style Cat Deeley did get a nod? I’m flabbergasted, even though I know that the people who vote for these things are not exactly rocket scientists. (Well, that particular group may not get it either since having a good sense of humor is not included in their job description.)

Cat seems like a really nice person, but all she does is pick her fingers, make Ed Grimley-type faces, and act like everything Nigel Lythgoe says is news to her, even though he’s the executive producer, which means he dictates what info she gives out on the show, so she would already know it all. (The show is So You Think You Can Dance, in case you live under a rock. And, in that case, how do you have access to the internet to be reading this?) She’s not fooling anyone. (Except, obviously, the Emmy voters, I guess.)

On the other hand, Nick Cannon, the amiable host of America’s Got Talent, is adorable, charming, and all-around fabulous! He’s BY FAR the best host on TV. He’s my second favorite of all-time, right after Johnny Carson. How’s that for some love?

The America's Got Talent judges laughing at Nick's antics the first time he helped-out the singer Sponjetta.

The audience and judges start laughing just seeing him come out of the wings to help-out a poor, otherwise-embarrassed contestant! I’ve never seen a host of a talent show add more to the proceedings than Nick.

His rendition of Just My Imagination, to help out an older man smoothie singer who was less than stellar a couple of weeks ago, was just brilliant. And he made Sponjetta, the woman who sang her original song, Studio, last season, feel special, after the judges very rudely dismissed her. The list of all the nice and hilarious things he’s done for people on America’s Got Talent goes on and on. I love that guy!

Nick on the finale last year, doing Spojetta's original song, Studio, with her and T-Pain. What a nice guy.

I seriously have had to check the list of current Emmy nominations several times to make sure I’m not just missing his name. I don’t get what’s up with that. It’s a travesty, not in the scheme of the world, but definitely in show business. I guess these idiots figure he already has Mariah Carey, so he doesn’t need an Emmy nod, as well. Shame.

Speaking of things I don’t get, did anyone see that horrible performance by a group named Blush on So You Think You Can Dance last night? Mr. X had to reach out and grab my hand to hold, he was so horrified by that debacle.

And this is one of their publicity pix, so this is them looking good!!! Notice they put the only cute one nearest to the camera.

We seriously didn’t know what was happening. When one of the quintet started singing, (and I use that term more than loosely,) we figured her name was “Blush.” But we couldn’t figure out why she had such homely back-up dancers, who couldn’t even really dance! Then we realized that they, too, were wearing head microphones, so “Blush” must be the name of the group.

We didn’t know which was worse—their voices or their faces! It was just bizarre. My former club promoting partner, who was famous for being a cute guy who chose bad-looking girls, would have loved this group! (When one of his and my mutual female pals learned that he could see out of only one, she deadpanned, “Oh, that explains his taste in women.”) [Note: to be fair, the lead singer does have a cute face, and one of the others is passable. But that's it.]

I took this pic off the TV, just to show what the worst-looking one kept doing with her eye the whole time.

But the absolutely mind-boggling aspect of the whole shebang is that as pitiful as their singing was, it wasn’t even live!!! How can you sing so badly on tape?! I guess that means that’s the best they can do. The funny part was that, after their performance, while Cat was making a weird face when she was begging the audience to “put your hands together for” them, she mentioned that they were giving away a boatload of free downloads of their song. Duh. Who would pay for that caterwauling?

How do no-talents like this get a plum gig like the results show on So You Think You Can Dance? We had never heard of them, (I believe that few have,) so we’re thinking that they may be friends or protégées of Snoop Dogg, because he did a few lines with them. (On the air lines, not dressing room lines, if you get drift.) He must have told the producers that he’ll come on the show with the girls if they get a featured spot.

Speaking of getting my drift, Mr. X said they were like the Spice Girls without the spice, or the Pussycat Dolls without the…

And on that classy note, I think I’ll end my rant. My mother would be proud. If she got my drift!

So, two nights ago on the local NBC news, there was a story about Los Angeles Laker Andrew Bynum parking in not one, but two, handicapped spots.  What an absolutely despicable thing to do!!!  Even if he’s creepy enough to disregard the law, and the laws of human decency, as well, didn’t he realize that, between his giant height and flashy car, that he would be spotted doing it? If for no other reason, his tiny brain should have told him not to park there.

Los Angeles Laker Andrew Bynum illegally using not one, but two, handicapped spots, to unload his groceries! I could make jokes here, but this isn't a laughing matter. Photos from NBC4.

I believe he has bad knees or something, so, if he had a handicapped placard, that would have, of course, been okay. I wouldn’t be able to understand an able-bodied athlete being in possession of one to begin with, unless it was temporary, but then his parking in a handicapped spot wouldn’t be even the slightest issue. However, under no circumstances would it be excusable to take up two spots! Never.

Then, when Joel Grover, the investigative reporter, (which I wish I could be, but I’m not brave enough to confront people who are bigger than I am and clearly have no conscience,) tried to ask Andrew about it at a later time, he just got in a different oversized vehicle of his and shut the door on the guy.

I already hated the full-of-themselves Lakers, so this was nothing new for me to see.

But the next morning, while browsing the web, I was absolutely crushed to read on TMZ that Chris Brown is guilty of the same offense, with pictures to prove it.

Two vehicles that are believed to belong to Chris Brown parked illegally in handicapped spots. Photo from TMZ.

Now, I still go with Benjamin Franklin’s maxim, “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see,” adding myself, “and not most of what you read,” and I know that TMZ is basically manned by a bunch of gossipmonger nerds, but I have a sinking feeling that this one is true.  The photos they show to support their claims don’t prove that these are indeed Chris’ vehicles, although I believe they probably are.  Anybody can throw anything in photos, but unless we know for sure to whom the items belong, nothing is proven. I don’t want to condemn someone on flimsy evidence, but if these claims are true, I have to hate him, as well.

I’ve long been a fan of Chris Brown’s talent. I even stuck-up for him a little during the mess with Rihanna because we didn’t really know what went on with them. When she came out and admitted she’s into S&M earlier this year, the facts of their situation became even murkier. And, I saw nothing wrong with his throwing a chair in his dressing room when Robin Roberts blind-sided him in his interview on Good Morning America a few months ago. Most of his have a boiling point, and someone being more than rude on national TV was his, which I feel is more than understandable. But now, because of this one inexcusable act, if proven true, I’ve finally joined the haters.

I’ve long been a champion of only handicapped people using their designated parking spaces and just can’t understand what could possibly be in the minds of lowlifes who think that they, citizens who are lucky enough to not be in those circumstances, are entitled to use the spots that are exclusively for people who don’t have the luck of the draw that they do. I just wish that the authorities would do more to punish people like that.

I’ve tried to stop some myself, and if I knew how to make a Citizen’s Arrest, I would. I did once scare a man into moving, though, by saying, “That’s great then. Hopefully, one day, you will be handicapped, so you’ll be able to park there all you want.” And he turned around and moved it!

Another time, in a Brooklyn Staples, I got into it with a giant, tough, masculine woman, and I realized after the incident that she could have knocked my teeth out. I asked the creepy store personnel to make her move, and they wouldn’t, (God forbid they should lose a sale of a couple of dollars to do the right thing,) so I stood over her car, making like I was calling the police. She came out of the store screaming at, and threatening, me and I stood my ground. It was a pretty scary experience.

One time, though, I began yelling at a woman who was trying to park in a handicapped space in a small mini-mall. She just stared at me while she finished parking, with me yelling the whole time. Then she got out and I saw that she was severely handicapped, and I was more than humiliated. At least she should have realized that I was sticking-up for her rights. But that’s when I decided to check-out the whole situation before I react. The city needs to deputize me in this one area. (I’d get drivers on cell phones, too, if I could.)

If Andrew Bynum and Chris Brown are guilty of these offenses, which we already know that Andrew is, something should really be done by the legal system. And them being forced into doing yet more insincere Public Service Announcements by chastised celebrities is definitely not enough.

I was so planning not to weigh in on this, but as it’s become a try travesty of justice, I now feel I must.

When I was recently called for jury duty, one of my honest arguments for why I’d make a bad juror was going to be that I can never decide about something I didn’t witness myself, and to prove it, I was going to point out that I couldn’t even say with certainty that Casey Anthony was guilty.  And I meant it. But that was a month ago.

As sad as this pic is, I just could not post a picture of her mother because I'm sick of seeing a murderer's face every day, and I want to remind us all what this case was really about. Or should have been!

Now, after paying attention to the evidence, I am as positive as the rest of the world, save for the twelve idiots whose opinions unfortunately counted, that she did it.   Even when I watch trial shows, such as Dateline, I always feel I can never be sure of what’s what. But this one, after watching much of the trial, I’m 100% positive of.

So, for the time being (and I have a feeling for quite awhile,) I’m too much in shock to write my thoughts into a cohesive column. So, here they are sort-of randomly, but pretty much in the order that they came into my mind as I watched the jaw-dropping proceedings, and ensuing day-long coverage:

What were these jurors smoking???

And the vomititious lawyer Cheney guy should be ashamed of himself for chastising the talking heads.  He’d be one himself if anyone asked him to be.  And, worst of all, is that he has to know his client is guilty! He needs to get down off his high horse.

Casey’s not only a pathological liar, but a psychopath.  I’m glad she lives across the country from me.

Sadly, there are way too many innocent people in jail, while this murderess goes free.

I recently saw a re-run of a story on 20/20 about Diane Downs, a woman who shot her own three children in 1983. (She succeeded in killing one, and messed-up the other two really badly.) Casey Anthony reminds me of her sooooo much. She, too, alleged that her father had molested her when she was a child. I guess that’s the go-to defense for women who murder their children.

Defense attorney Jose Baez’ post-verdict speech seemed like he’s sad that he helped a murderess get off.  He said, “This case is a perfect example of why the death penalty does not work.” I took that to mean that if that were off the table, she would have been convicted of one of the murder charges.

He continued, “The best feeling that I have today is that I know I can go home and my daughter will ask me what I did today and I can say I saved a life.”  He at no time reiterated his client’s innocence because he seems to know better.

I thought that Nancy Grace was going to have a stroke.  She was correct that it took the defense team quite awhile to mention poor little Caylee in their press conference.  Or even Casey!  They just chastised the pundits and castigated the death penalty.

I hope that authorities stay on Casey and arrest her for every little infraction.  Or that someone does to her what she did to her own precious daughter.

I hope if ever I screw up, that I have these moronic jurors.

I pray that the authorities find juror misconduct somehow somewhere.

I thought I was mishearing the verdict because I had had no sleep the night before.

Networks will rush to interview Casey, but I don’t know why because everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.

I can’t believe that not even one juror voted guilty!  How did that happen?  Every one, to a person, with whom I’ve spoken about the case, most of whom have watched the trial, thinks she’s guilty.  Everyone.

And what are the parents to feel?  I think they’ll have to move.

Cindy should never have lied about the computer.

So, if Casey Anthony isn’t guilty of the murder, is anyone going to look for the “real” killer, like O.J. Simpson said he was going to do after he killed his ex-wife and her male friend?  Let’s see if Casey even says she’ll be trying to find the “real”killer.

Regarding Casey and her family, Dr. Drew Pinsky said he doesn’t “see how they can live in the same household.”  Household?  How about state???!!! (And why was Drew weighing in on law shows to begin with? He must have a show on the channel I was watching at the time.)

I’m afraid the parents may commit suicide.  I don’t think any of us can even begin to imagine what they’ve been through. Or else they’ll split-up because it may just be too painful to even look at each other, knowing the depth of pain each one is feeling.

After his daughter’s crazy charges that he molested her, how can her father ever speak to her again???

What do these idiot jurors think happened to the little girl???  What do they think of Casey’s partying while her daughter was missing?  How could they at least not have found her guilty of child abuse, when she left her child missing for a month, if they really do believe she didn’t kill her?

How can her defense team be all happy and hugging her???  They have to know that she killed her own child!!!

Let’s hope that she messes-up, a la O.J., so she can go to jail for something.  And sooner rather than later.

No wonder the jurors didn’t want to speak after—they’re ashamed of themselves! Or at least they should be.

These jurors must be the lowest of the low. The pundits were so certain they would do the right thing and find Casey Anthony guilty because the panel included a nurse, an IT specialist, and women with children and grandchildren. So what happened???

I had kept wondering why Casey didn’t just claim it was an accident and that she panicked and did drugs to forget and that’s why she was partying, instead of bringing her father into it.

Is her boyfriend going to go back with her? If he does, he better sleep with one eye open.

If her lawyers love her so much, why don’t they invite her to live with them…and their children!?

Why did the court accept a juror who had plans to leave for a cruise on July 7? Didn’t they think the jury may rush through because of that deadline?

Who exactly paid for her lawyers???  No one ever mentioned “public defender,” but Nancy Grace said that Casey didn’t have to pay for her defense because case’s “indigent.” So, what does that mean? (I tried researching it, but the topic is just too much for me at the moment.)

Everyone keeps saying how awkward it will for Casey to move home–why do they think that will be the case??? I can’t imagine that happening at this point. But I also couldn’t imagine a jury so stupid that they’d let her off.

How can the entire world know that she did it, but the twelve jurors not be able to see it??? I just don’t get it.

The one alternate juror who’s been talking, Russell Huekler, sounds like a true moron. It’s frightening to hear. Not to mention that he looks, and sounds, like a serial killer himself! He probably has some kind of sick killer-to-killer crush on her.

Now I feel guilty that I wasn’t chosen for jury duty myself last month because, clearly, juries are in dire need of smart people. I’m not joking–I noticed that on my panel, there were only about four of us who appeared to be bright, out of twenty-two! But the smart ones are the ones who are smart enough to get off.  What a shame.

There has to be a better method of selecting juries. I think I said this before, so if I did, please forgive me, but I think that “juror” should be a job, at least for a couple of years, like a congressman or something.  There are plenty of smart, fair people who are unemployed, especially seniors, who wouldn’t mind giving up their days.  There has to be a way to make that work, although I believe that the country can’t change the system because of the constitution.

I just heard about reporter Diane Diamond’s interview with a woman named Tracy Conroy, who was Casey’s private bodyguard (hired by her bail bondsman) when she was out on bail the first time she was arrested. She had lived with the Anthonys for about ten days. What she had to say was chilling, including that Casey talked about Caylee in the past tense back then, before the body was found, and that Casey said that talking to the research team would “be a waste of time.” Did this great eyewitness to such behavior get to testify? I think not or we would have heard about it. Nancy Grace seemed surprised by this info and pointed out that we, the viewing public, knew more than the jury because of all the coverage available to us, but not to them. In case you’re interested in what Ms. Conroy had to say, here’s the link: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/06/22/casey-s-rommate-tells-all.html

If this was a made-for-TV movie, not based on a story we all know, we’d all think the acquittal was too unbelievable.

But how did she not get charged with obstruction of justice???  She knew where her daughter was, she admits, yet she not only let that poor beautiful girl rot on the side of the road, she cost the taxpayers dollars in searching costs!  And the people who volunteered their time can’t be none too pleased either.

Some brilliant guy reporter should go undercover and woo her, kind-of like that Dutch guy did with Joren van der Sloot, except with sex this time.  And he should get her to confess and then publish it.  She can’t go to jail then on the charges, but at least we’ll know.

She should be sterilized. God forbid that devil ever has another innocent child to destroy.

How in demand is Jose Baez going to be after this? Every guilty criminal will want him defending them! And they’ll want those same jurors, too!

The lawyers’ celebration was in absolute bad taste.  How could they have done that to begin with, but especially so soon and so close to the court room???  Does not one of those grown-ups have a modicum of decency???  Why didn’t they just go to their office and carry on so disgustingly in private?

That’s it. I’m getting some much-needed sleep now and hoping that when I wake-up, I find-out it was all a big nightmare.

I recently received a comment from a reader stating that he “used to come to this site every week to get” my “views on the competition shows. They were very funny and insightful,” and he said that he felt that I was getting away from that. I have to assure those of you feel the same way–I’m not; I just have to give all my topics equal time. But, I promise you, when there’s something juicy on TV to critique, such as this latest Miss USA competition, I’ll do my best to get it on the site in a timely fashion.

Actually, this is not so much a review of the actual pageant as it is of the telecast in general, and the awful hosting and commentary. Although, I do throw in a few bon mots about the really dim-witted four finalists. They were straight out of a Christopher Guest movie.

This contest always has the best-looking girls around, mainly because that’s all that they ask of them– there’s no talent portion, and they need no platform to run on nor basic intelligence.

The hosts grilling the future winner.

Okay, so here are the players I refer to, followed by my mostly-in-order notes that I took as the evening wore on: the hosts were someone named Andy Cohen and the woman from E with the big forehead, who seems nice, but is just awful. I don’t know her name and quite frankly don’t want to spend even one second trying to research it, so I’ll just call her “E Woman. ” The “expert analysts,” (or some title like that,) are Kelly Osborne and former winner, Susie Castillo.

First up, my thoughts on this Andy Cohen, whom, shockingly, (now that I’ve researched him and seen just how much television he’s involved in,) I had never heard of before. I thought he was doing a bit at first. His character seemed like the son of Martin Short’s Jiminy Glick and any of the ones that Chris Parnell has trademarked. I could absolutely not believe that he was a real person acting like that! (That’s not necessarily a derogatory comment—people always tell me that they thought I was doing a character on my show, too, until they meet me and realize I’m the real McCoy.) He was just not host material, though, judging by his resume that I now know of, he’s had a lot of gigs doing just that, so he must be a super-smart cookie, which just didn’t come across on this show.

Now, to the rest of the night, basically in order:

As they introduced themselves, why did just about every single contestant have puppet voices?  I couldn’t believe that they all talked like that! I thought I had tuned into SNL by mistake!

The E Woman said, “But we’re not the ones looking for attention tonight,” while she lifted the front of her dress, for longer than necessary to walk down the steps.

They began misusing “amazing” right off the bat.  I lost track of how many times they said it over the course of the show.  There was nothing “amazing” about the night except the fact that any of them have jobs in the public eye!!!

It's hard to see her tattoos in this photo, but I decided to be kind.

Who chose Kelly Osborne as a fashion expert???  No offense about this first observation, because I’m getting there myself, but she’s chubby, has a protruding jaw and usually bad hair, and both arms have hideous tattoos!  How about get someone who actually looks good themselves to tell us what others look like? (Okay, I’m doing the same thing right now, but no one hired me to tell the rest of you about it.)

Dreadful host pairing.  Neither is good-looking, and they’re both self-conscious and devoid of personality.  Bring back Donny and Marie. Or even Regis and Kathie Lee!

Utah’s passion is “manicures,” so I could have been a contender!

Note to Kelly Osborne: It’s not about you!!!   Every comment of hers, that I could even make-out with the way she often swallowed her words, was about herself!!!  It was way beyond what I do. And hers aren’t even amusing; i.e. “I would wear that dress,” “I can’t do that,” “I have a dog,” etc.

I hope this is okay to say, but I have to point it out—not one of the Top 16 was ethnic! There was not one black girl, nor any Asians, and just one semi-Latina.  (She was born in Cuba, but grew up in Florida. Where else?)  This is so not the make-up of the USA.

I guess that having a Muslim winner last year freaked-out the powers-that-be.

Speaking of her, she’s supposed to be Miss USA, but in her closing speech, she said she’s trying to help Muslim women.  Nice. (And Mr. X said her final outgoing get-up was “a vulgar dress.” He never says anything like that, so it must be the case.)

I hesitate to say this next one, but I’m sure many of you who saw the show thought it, too: Of course there were no black women chosen–there were three black dudes on the judging panel!  ‘Nuff said on that one.

Also, the judges were , for the most part, a bunch of lummoxes.  Dallas Maverick Tyson Chandler and celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito were the only ones who had even a modicum of class.

Terrible camerawork throughout.

I was actually surprised by how few fake boobs there were! I guess their handlers finally realize that that those big bosoms (as my mother calls them) look kind-of weird on those oh-so-skinny girls.

I just couldn’t write down every single one of Kelly’s inane comments, but here are five of the best:

Regarding the “fan vote”: she kept saying things like “the fans are loving her.”  Yeah, the people who are sitting in front of their computers to participate; ergo, convicts.

On Miss Alabama, when Susie informed us that “she survived a near-fatal car crash which left her in a coma and a wheelchair for two months,” Kelly chimed in,  “You would never know that in a million years.  Look at her walk!!!”  And later: “She taught herself to walk again!”  Is she a moron? Does she really think the girl taught herself to walk after that ordeal? Does she not realize that a case that severe would require physical therapy?

She complimented one on her earrings. While that’s nice and all, and I think that way myself all the time, it’s not really what observation material for a contest with “USA” in the title should be.

This is the winner, whom Kelly Osbourne told us has to wear sunscreen or she'll break out in hives. I think she'd agree that's TMI.

About the eventual winner, Miss California, during the swimsuit competition, she told us, “She’s practically allergic to the sun and needs to wear hats and apply SPF and sunscreen.  Otherwise she breaks out in hives. U would never know.” Guess what? She probably didn’t want us to know! And you don’t “apply SPF” separately from sunscreen—it’s in the sunscreen! And worse than that, she should know that everyone needs to apply it! Sheesh.

The hosts had just announced to not judge the dresses, yet that’s all that Kelly and Susie did!!!

This one is my supposition, from their statement about one of the girls that “she paid for her undergraduate education by working three jobs.”  Yeah–hooker, stripper, and phone sex operator.

The way they announced the four finalists was downright cruel; they separated the eight into two groups of four. Then they announced that three girls in one group had made it, thus making one girl be alone in her embarrassment and dejection. Then they chose just one from the other four.  Would it have killed them to make it two and two?

Speaking of the inflection I heard in my head as I wrote that last question, Andy Cohen said “Mazel to all,” just in case “Cohen” didn’t say it all. (It’s Yiddish for “luck.”)

What are some of the new innovations this year, that they proudly announced?  Could it be screwing Miss Congeniality and Most Photogenic out of their audience glory by just telling us who they were, rather than giving the kudos out on-camera? I guess they couldn’t have taken the three seconds away from Kelly and Susie’s banality.

Best part of the show, by far, (except for you guys who want to see hot chicks in tiny bikinis,) was the music from Tinie Tempah and Eric Turner. Shockingly hip for a show like this.

Now to those “all-important final questions”:

The four finalsits--pretty, but dumb.

They couldn’t have chosen four dumber girls as the finalists.  Trust me, I have some really stupid pals, (don’t worry…they can’t read,) but these girls are even worse.

Former winner, now commentator, Susie Castillo offered, “I bombed my final answer, but I still won.”  So in other words, that portion means nothing.

They should have just held this part in a dunk tank.  How would that be for an innovation? At the very least, a trap door should have opened under Alabama’s answer, that’s too long and stupid to write, but it involved what a great Miss USA she would make, though that had nothing to do with the question.

And Tennessee’s answer! I need the memory erase pill for this one, so read at your own risk: ”Burning the American flag is not patriotic at all.”  Who ever thought that it was??? She continued “I’m a Christian and I would not appreciate someone burning the bible.  That’s just a line you do not cross.” That answer is the only part of the night that was truly “amazing.”

But, shockingly, I can’t believe that the girl who deserved to win, (of the final four,) Miss California, (though she’s really from New Jersey,)  did! So, I guess all’s well that ends well, and I can calm down for now..until the Miss Universe contest in the Fall. I have to go sharpen my claws for that one!

This Tracy Morgan scumbag doesn’t deserve his own column, so I’m lumping him in with Arnold, although I consider Tracy much worse, and poor, unfortunate Anthony Weiner, a name Morgan is probably jealous he didn’t think of first. (BTW—the “half” is Weiner because his offenses don’t even come close to those of the first two.)

TRACY MORGAN

I just want to say that Tracy Morgan should be fired from 30 Rock for his unbelievably evil homophobic comments, in the name of comedy. I won’t repeat them here, but there’s nothing even remotely funny about what he had to say. And I’m sure that no apology will erase the pain of what he said, for many gay people, especially sons, all over the world.

Just because he’s on a hit show, people, like his co-star and producer Tina Fey, are going easy on him. He needs to have his ass fired, never to be heard from again. He’s already a drunk and disgusting; this is just the straw that should have definitely broken the camel’s back!

And Alec Baldwin, for whom I used to have a lot of respect until I spoke with him at a party some of the Kennedys were giving in the Hamptons two summers ago, should take this more seriously than to issue a statement saying, “Oh, that Tracy.” Not amusing. I’m especially horrified by that reaction.

NBC—fire this creep! And please, GLAAD, and other gay organizations, please don’t let them off the hook until they do. Look what happened to Michael Richard’s career for much less hurtful comments of the same ilk just a few years ago. Morgan’s desperate “apology” tour counts for something, I guess, but he’s doing it just to save his career, not because he suddenly realizes how demonic his statements were.

If he really knew that, he wouldn’t have made them in the first place! They were in his stand-up act; that means that he had already written and rehearsed them, and that’s what he wanted to say. He thought they were good “jokes.” And now all of a sudden, he realizes just how hateful they are? It took audience members booing and leaving, and a national backlash, for him to realize that what he had written and rehearsed was so detrimental to a big group of already-in-danger-of-violence-against-them people? Give us a break here.

How would he like it if someone said they would kill their son if he was as unfunny, and unattractive on every level, as Tracy Morgan?! He’s the creator of the two most unfunny characters in SNL history–Brian Fellow and Astronaut Jones. He should be banished from show business for that crap alone!

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

This whole affair, in every sense of the word, makes me so sad, though I’m not the last bit shocked by news of Arnold’s philandering or even of his child with one of his housekeepers! I am shocked, however, that she’s so homely!!!

When news of his cheating first came out, although most of us always suspected it, at first I was a tad insulted because, although Arnold had been a fan of mine almost from the very beginning of my show, and I bumped into him around town semi-often, including being invited to review his late restaurant and to a party of his at a Gold’s Gym in Venice, I swear, he never once hit on me. Ever! And believe me, I usually know when someone’s hitting on me. Hearing this recent news confused me because, when I knew him, I was skinny, supposedly sexy, and, I hate to say this about myself, but according to everyone else, I was pretty cute. All with nary a wrong word from Arnold. Most of what he said was always along the lines of, “Maria and I watch you in bed and laugh and laugh.” Mild enough. Actually, Maria always told me the same stuff, as well.

So, a few weeks ago, my first reaction, after sadness for his wife and family, was personal insult. Is it possible he went after everyone but me??? But then I saw a picture of the woman who had his child, and I was so relieved. Let me put it this way—she’s the opposite of skinny, sexy, and cute . Whew! Dodged a bullet on that one. (Better not let him see me now, though! I quite possibly could have become his type, bite my tongue.)

On a serious note, (even though I meant all of the above,) how do any of us know it was “an affair?” Maybe it was a one-time event that produced a child. We hear of that happening all the time. [Note: since I wrote this a few days ago, the housekeeper was quoted in her only interview, in Hello!Magazine, as saying that it was just “a few times.” So, I guess I was correct once again.]

And I love that some people have pointed-out that she went after him. I read that all the time. I don’t even know what that means. Does that validate it? Let him off the hook? What? So, if I go after Simon Baker, and he sleeps with me, it’s okay then? I don’t get the whole concept. Females go after famous males all the time. Are the men supposed to just go along with it and tell their wives it was okay because “it was her idea.” Puh-lease.

To sum it up—poor classy Maria did not deserve this, even if she basically ignored her Kennedy family values and campaigned for a Republican. I don’t even know how she can make-out with one, let alone marry and sleep with one. His politics should have given her pause right there. And he’s not only disgusting, but must be blind, as well. And, oh, all those poor children. What a mess.

But he’ll still go to lunch in Beverly Hills and smoke his cigars, which usually indicate a small male unit, by the way, which his behavior shows me, too. Since there seem to be a lot a women with personal knowledge in that area, I’m sure we’ll be reading something along those lines soon, as well.

ANTHONY WEINER

This younger picture of Anthony Weiner kind-of explains his whole emotional make-up, doesn't it? And yes, I did try to find the most unflattering picture of each of these men.

At least, we know for sure that this little skinny guy has a healthy unit. That’s probably why he can’t help but take pictures of it. And let everyone know. Which is why Arnold probably never tweeted pix of his, I surmise.

Just writing this name for the first time, I realized—why does this guy have a Jewish last name, but an Italian first? I know, I know—that’s the least our our concerns about him.

I can’t really say much about this one. I’m just scratching my head over it. Poor Mr. X is devastated over it. He loved this guy, as did most people. Democrats were hoping for big things from him. I hope he can get away without resigning, but chances of that are looking slim. With judgement like this, just how effective of a lawmaker can he be?

Mr. X and I disagree on this, but a situation like Weiner’s is in some ways even worse than actually cheating—it’s just odd to me. It’s not like someone is standing there, and you’re attracted to her, and lust gets the better of you. Or that you fell in love with someone other than your spouse by pure accident. I can understand those two a little. But, to send anyone shots of your crotch, let alone complete strangers, is just so perverted to me. I don’t understand any of it. It’s really hard to stick-up for this guy.

As sad as I am, I am just a tad curious to see what happens with his situation, especially in the marriage department. Here’s his poor, presumably innocent wife, about to have a baby, and she has to decide if she wants to go it alone in life, for now at least. It’s tough. I predict, that with Hillary Clinton as her close, personal advisor, she’ll stay and they’ll work it out. But maybe she should cancel his computer privileges for awhile. Or at least contact him on-line herself, pretending to be a strange, young girl, and let him get his perversions out to her alone. I know—I should be a sex therapist, right?

I still absolutely hate this Mac computer that Mr. X got while I was away, but since I’m writer, I have to force myself to write on this horrible machine. On top of that, I’m still in the throes of a wicked cold I got from a rude woman who kept coughing and shnurgling on me on the plane home from New York last week-end, so I’m in a heavy-duty cold medicine stupor. And you don’t even want to know what I look like right now!!!

So, my observations on the season finales of three of my favorite TV shows may not be as sharp as usual, and I hope you’ll all forgive me for that this time.

DANCING WITH THE STARS

DWTS champions Kym Johnson and Hines Ward.

I’m okay with Hines Ward winning, but Chelsea Kane was robbed. She was by far the best dancer. Her third place finish was most likely due to no one having heard of her before, (yet another example that this show should not have the word “stars” in its title,) and fans disliking her pro partner, Mark Ballas. I can’t say I disagree with much of the criticism of him that I’ve read. But that shouldn’t reflect on her.

Most robbed of all were Ralph Macchio and his partner, Karina Smirnoff. They should have finished first or second, but the judges totally under-scored him in the semi-finals to make sure that the creepy Kirstie Alley would make it to the finals. And they also added that stupid “winner takes all” cha-cha in the semis so that they could boost Chelsea over Ralph, as well. (Chelsea is a Disney actress and Disney owns ABC, the network that DWTS is on. ‘Nuf said.) They chose the cha-cha because they knew it was the only dance Ralph hadn’t really done as a solo all season. (He had done a shorter version of it in the team dance a few weeks before.)

I really don’t know what their problem with him was, but it was blatant. And not only was Ralph better than Kirstie, so was Romeo, Chris Jericho, and Petra Nemcova, who all got eliminated before she did! She must have a development deal with ABC. Mark my words on this one!

I would have loved to see Kirstie and Ralph in the finals, though, just to watch how Maks ignores his former fiancee, Karina, on all the press they would have had to do together. That actually might be why the judges did what they did—they wanted to make sure it didn’t come to that, and they chose their allegiance to Maks over Karina, who wasn’t even supposed to be on the show this season until they booked Ralph at the last minute. I’m seriously just figuring this out as I write!!!

Anyway, back to Hines. I’m happy for his partner, Kym Johnson, who valiantly competed after that awful limb-threatening accident she had. He was good, but really far from the “all that” that the judges made him out to be.

And, as much as I have a semi-crush on Maks, he did act like a baby when he didn’t win. He got so screwed last season by missing-out on the finals with Brandy because of idiots voting for the non-talented Palin girl, that I think he just got his hopes up too much with Kirstie this one. I feel bad for him, but I’m absolutely thrilled that I no longer have to listen to his partner Kirstie’s squeaky forced laugh anymore, nor have my eyes assaulted by her filthy hair and talon-like nails.

AMERICAN IDOL

Very deserving new American Idol, Scotty McCreery.

This victor is one I’m thrilled with! Scotty McCreery. Yay! He wasn’t my original choice, (that was Casey or Paul,) but he’s always made me smile, if not laugh (in a good way,) when he performs. He’s just so genuine. And he seems like the perfect kid. I’ve really been slowly brought to fanhood over the season.

I think so has Lauren Alaina, his rival for the title. I think that’s why she appeared to be such a good sport about losing to Scotty. I think she was happy for her possible man to be the more powerful one. And this time, I expect them both to be big country stars, unlike many previous seasons on this show, when we all knew that we’d never hear from the runners-up again. (Nor some of the winners even!)

The finale show itself was a tad disappointing, though. Where was the duet from the two finalists? That’s always my favorite part. I can still see Clay and Ruben walking-out singing Ain’t No Stopping Us Now, and Taylor Hicks and Katherine McPhee dancing around, all dressed-up. Did the show use up all the Scotty-Lauren duets during the season? It would have been something to see them do one last one together knowing that this was it for their American Idol journey. Very disappointing.

No, instead they chose to make deals with both Lady Gaga and Beyonce that they could debut their new ditties in front of television’s biggest audience in exchange for one mentoring session in the past two weeks. (I don’t know that for a fact, but you don’t have to be a genius to figure that one out.) Yes, Lauren was saving her voice, but they didn’t know that would be the situation when they planned the finale. And this was the end—what did she have to save it for? How would just one more song have hurt?

The whole finale was just a mush. Ryan looked like a creepy little old man in his weird tux, (I guess he is planning on taking over for Dick Clark,) most of the action took place in the uncomfortable audience (the Nokia has the worst seating of any theatre I’ve ever been in in any city,) rather than on the stage (to set-up for the totally unnecessary numbers I just mentioned,) and there was just not much fun to the whole shebang, except for Casey Abrams and Jack Black, the surprise of which pairing was ruined for me the one time I watched even a little part of Ellen this year. (And that was only because Casey was on it.)

BIGGEST LOSER

I’m still waiting for them to begin MEDIUM LOSER, so I can go on that show! Since I hurt my back over a year ago, and didn’t walk for three months, I gained about thirty pounds and would love some serious help to get them off. But I still can’t exercise, so that could be a problem. But, since this E-zine is titled “It’s Not About Me,” I’ll move on to the real show’s finale.

Biggest Loser winner Olivia Ward, before and after.

I was fine with Olivia winning. I loved that it was an all-girl final, and that sisters were two of the three. And, they were correct—I don’t think anyone watching expected that duo to make it to the end, let alone come in first and second for the whole season.

The only thing I felt bad about is that the little girl, Irene, was the “biggest loser” on “the ranch” for the entire season, and those last few weeks at home cost her the title. And a quarter of a million bucks! That part is still bothering me.

But aside from that, I was satisfied with the outcome and the season as a whole. But, it was a little weird that they never mentioned Rulon Gardner at the finale. He’s the Olympic champion wrestler, the one they made the biggest fuss over this season,and never mentioned again after he mysteriously announced that he was leaving the show about five or six weeks ago.

And then he showed up as judge on some food show, and until this morning, I couldn’t even find out anything about the whole mess. [Note: I suggest you Google his creepy comments today. And, if you know any other details, please feel free to share them in the Comments below.] I think he was basically a douchebag who got some other offer, and should then have “thrown the weigh-in,” like everyone else does who wants to go home. That way, someone else would have been spared elimination that week. He was just way too selfish and into himself. I used to be a fan of his athletics, but I’m pretty sure I’ll always root against him now. He probably just did it that way so that no one on the show can say that they beat him.

He now claims that he was there soley to lose weight, and not play games or win money. He owns a gym in Utah—he should have just hired his own trainer and not taken up a spot that some non-famous, non-wealthy obese person could have benefitted from. What a dirtbag!

So, just when I thought it was safe to go out at night again, and not have to be glued to the TV so that no one would tell me results, and also so that I could vote and help the contestants where applicable, here comes the new season of So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Got Talent, and some new weight-losing show. (At least that one’s not a competiton. I don’t think.) So, it looks like I will, after all, be TV-obsessed throughout the summer. Darn.

And I want to wish you all a wonderful, and most of all safe, Memorial Day week-end.  I’ll be safe all right–ensconced in my bed with a bottle of cough syrup and a spitoon.

I’m sorry to say that even though I have so many things to tell you about from my May trip to NY, and a few fun things from before I left, I have to put it all on hold for a few days due to the fact that Mr. X switched my computer over to a Mac, which I absolutely loathe!!!

I need some time to get back to IBM, or just talk myself into biting the bullet and working with crappy MAC.

I hate change, and this one was perhaps the most shocking of all.

So, please bear with me for a few days while I try to work it all out. I don’t know how that will happen, but I hope to think of something by the end of the week.

It’s pretty difficult for a writer to not have her tools.

I hate MAC!!!

I’ve been meaning to call everyone’s attention to this problem with the Dancing With The Stars call-in system all season, but another topic for the day’s column always came up. It pissed me off even more last night, so I just had to make the space to tell you about it.

The whole system is stupid to begin with–they let you vote during the show! That means you can vote without having seen everyone perform, which is so not fair. Then, if you actually care about fair, like I do, you have only one half hour to vote after the show ends. Which means, you can’t get behind in the watching of it, as everyone with a DVR does, so they can cut-out commercials.

Also, the contestants keep their same phone number all season long, so you don’t even have to watch the show to vote! You just dial their number on Monday night anytime the show is on, from wherever you might be. So incredibly unfair. And stupid.

But what’s happening this season is the worst ever; when you call in, more often than not, you get a message saying that your time zone has closed. When it hasn’t! If you’re just an accepting person, or not caring, not paying attention, or not too bright, you’ll assume that’s the truth and just stop trying to get through, even if your favorite needs your votes.

This is what we’ve been finding this season: if we call the numbers twenty times, let’s say, at least ten of them will have the message saying our time zone has closed, when it clearly hasn’t. Mr. X even helps me vote, because I’ve impressed upon him that he can’t get upset if a deserving dancer gets eliminated if he did nothing to help them, and when he first came up against the problem, he would have just believed the erroneous message and given up if I hadn’t told him to ignore it and keep dialing.

We also often get the message that says that we’ve reached our “call-in limit.” (Each week, the viewers get to vote only the number of times as the number of contestants. For example, if there are seven dancers left, we get seven votes per phone line. Therefore, the “call-in limit” message should kick-in after seven that week.) But it often just comes on whenever it darn well pleases. If we plug on, we find out it, too, is erroneous.

And while I’m on the topic of the show, I wish the judges would stop lauding so-so performances already!!! It’s a little okay to do that in the first couple of weeks, to not hurt the feelings of the so-called celebs, but now it’s just downright weird. Kirstie Alley is rarely good, and her bad samba last night was just ballroom dancing 101. Yet, she got two nines! (Out of ten, for those of you who don’t watch.) They’re just either being kind because she’s old or the producers know she’s a train wreck and they want her around for the duration. The marks are always a tad iffy, but they seem to be getting worse.

Okay, I’m getting off topic of their phone problem. So, I’m just really writing this to let you know that if you really want to vote for someone, you should ignore the incorrect messages and keep voting if you know that your time zone is active and you haven’t dialed the maximum number of votes. And don’t even get me started on the crazy unlimited-votes policy of American Idol!

This is a quick one about last night’s show. The contestants were asked to dance to something emotional from their lives, good or bad. On the positive side, Ralph Maccio danced to his wedding song as a tribute to the love he shares with his wife of twenty-four years. And Chelsea Kane chose a love song her first love, who was in an un-named band at the time, wrote for her. It was nice to see some happy stories.

But the creepiest person in show business, Wendy Williams, made like her story was one of hardship. This is what it basically boiled down to, despite her dramatics and tears: in her post-college days, when she was doing radio gigs in D.C and New York, (already she’s luckier than most, so this should have been a happy story,) she chose to take naps in her car at rest stops, in-between said gigs, rather than at her parents’ house. Her exact quote is, “I wouldn’t even stop at my own parents’ house to sleep at their house in-between while I was tired. I would rather sleep at rest stops because that way I did not have to be trapped in explaining the process of how I was trying to achieve my radio dream.” Wah, wah, wah. I’m sure her parents wouldn’t have wanted to “trap” her into sharing her career thoughts with them.

She even stated that, “Dancing With The Stars is a long way from sleeping in my car,” which was not at all the case! This woman was young, and chose to take naps in her car. Homeless people should tell her to get over herself already–let her try to really sleep in her car, and then maybe she’ll act like a human being for at least a little bit.

Meanwhile, the lovely Petra Nemcova didn’t even talk about her ordeal in the Thailand tsunami that took the life of her fiancé and broke her pelvis. Rather, she chose to concentrate on the positives of helping others and finding inspiration to go on. The difference in these two women is stunning.

And Kirstie Alley lost her mother in an accident, Chris Jericho’s mom got disabled in one, (and then died,) and Hines Ward’s mom had to bring him up herself in a country whose language she didn’t even speak! (She’s Korean.) He said she had to work multiple  jobs just to try to win back custody of him from his paternal grandparents. (Google the story–it’s so sad.)

So, there you have it. I just had to rant a bit about the absolute bloated ego of that Williams woman, who bums us out every time she appears on-screen. (Hey, I just thought of this–what is it with females named “Williams?” This one can join the ranks of the full-of-themselves tennis-playing Williams sisters, Venus and Serena.) Hopefully, tonight will be her last on the show and then nighttime television will be safe for all of us again.