First of all, I’m thrilled that my team, the New York Giants, won the big game once again. You go, boys in blue! Congrats on a great team effort.

Second, the whole day of coverage was actually a pleasure to watch. And trust me, watch I did! From 9AM-midnight! I get really into this stuff, especially when it’s my team in the mix. NBC did a great job, for the most part. There were no reporters I hated and the whole thing really moved along.

Of course, I wouldn’t be Karen without a few musings along the way, so here they are, in sections this time, rather than my usual totally-linear presentations.

THE GAME ITSELF

New York Giant Mario Manningham making the catch of the century!

Superbowl XXXXVI turned-out to be one of the most exciting ones ever, living-up to its moniker, Superbowl.

The excitement began with the revved-up entrances of both teams. It got everyone‘s blood pumping, not just the players.

Back in the day, I had watched Superbowl XXV with my old pals, Wendy and Martin Mull, and I was so nervous for that last, Giants-opposing field goal attempt by the Buffalo Bills kicker that Wendy had to leave her own house! Martin was brave and stayed watching with the mass of tension that was me, and we were rewarded with the second Giants win. Never had I been so nervous for the last few seconds of a Superbowl since then, until last night, when once again the victor wasn’t known until the very last second. Heart-stopping.

THE BROADCASTERS

Broadcast team of Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth.

It was Chris Collinsworth’s first Superbowl as the lead color commentator, and he was excellent. (He had done the duty once before, in 2005, but was second to Troy Aikman’s lead.)

How does Michelle Tafoya look the same as she did fifteen years ago??? It’s not like she’s even good-looking, but it is amazing! I don’t see any signs of surgery, so she must just have great genes.

We don’t even know who the other female, Alex Flanagan, is, but Mr. X said her hair was a mess in the back. I actually had no problem with it!

Even though he has two previous Superbowl rings, pre-game commentator, and former new England Patriot, Rodney Harrison, is still broken-up over his not taking down New York Giant David Tyree four years ago! I thought he was going to cry on-the-air talking about it. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who can’t let past problems go.

Chris Collinsworth, on the other hand, was cool and laughing about someone who had beaten him twice.

Play-by-play announcer Al Michaels, made a good, intelligent reference at one point, that no one on earth got. He commented that colorful player Chad Ochocinco play was once “headlines” but is now “agate type.” I don’t think any viewers really knew what that was, especially since those last two words were so hard to make-out that even the closed-captioners couldn’t figure them out! Mr. X deciphered them and correctly assumed the definition that even I had to look-up! So, seriously, thanks for the vocabulary lesson, Al! And for the high-class reference. I really appreciated it.

THE PRE-GAME COVERAGE

Victorious New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning.

The most shocking part of all the coverage is that not once in the two weeks leading up to it did I hear Eli’s Coming! (For the Giants quarterback, Eli Manning, for those who just party on this special day, and know nothing about what you’re even partying about!) Maybe the ditty is old, but this is the Superbowl, for goodness sake!!! The announcers never even invoked it when the Giants were driving down the field!!! And I’ve had it in my head constantly for several weeks now, since the play-offs began.

Mr. X was shocked that the pre-game show had so many promos, of all types.

For the most part, the segments were either educational or entertaining or both, but the network one, that showed every person on an NBC show singing and dancing, was offensive in it’s desperation. I know that each network who broadcasts this biggest sporting event of the year has to use the occasion to try to lure new viewers to their regular shows, but they made this insult into a “feature” on the pre-game show, not as a commercial, which is what they should have done.

The story about the Pats dedicating their season to Myra Kraft, the late wife of owner Robert Kraft, was emotional and lovely.

THE PERFORMERS

The opening number by recently-married couple Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert was sweet; they held hands the whole time!

Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem was excellent; she just got on with it, without sounding like the classic Maya Rudolph parody on SNL, which most big Star-Spangled Banner singers do.

M.I.A. giving a mysterious middle finger, to who knows whom, was just stupid. It was an attempt to get her name out there, any way she could, because she’s the only performer who would have just gone unnoticed otherwise. Yet another classless weirdo who’s lucky to have a career.

Madonna and fun musical guests LMFAO.

Now, to the biggie–Madonna’s much-hyped halftime show: If the old adage “it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish” is true, then she definitely succeeded.

To begin with, she came in on some sort of float, which used up a lot of time where she didn’t have to exert herself. Her entrance was how I wrote reports in school—not a lot of story, with lots of fluff around it.

Then, she sang what I call a “hundred-year-old song” while just walking around the stage. But the guy on the high-wire was great! He had new, interesting moves.

The high-waisted gold belt she was wearing over that black dress made her middle look the way that “mom jeans” do.

And, I know she’s in phenomenal shape, but why was she so klutzy??? Has she always been so, and we never noticed because of all the constant movement around her? Or were those boots just too high for her? Or was it simply her nervousness that she had been talking about?

But, her last song with Ceelo, Like a Prayer, was excellent.

THE COMMERCIALS

The good Chevy yellow car ad.

I loved the Chevy ad featuring a yellow car that a grad thought his parents had given him! It’s actually the only one I cared about at all!

On the other hand, the same company’s ad for a truck, which also featured Twinkies, made no sense. I know what they were going for, sort-of, but it didn’t work and was just a head-scratcher. If they were trying to say that Twinkies are as indestructible as their trucks, (or vice versa,) that would be a slam because it would mean that they’re such crappy food that they’d last through devastation, which they could be sued for. But, the product placement was so major that it seems the Hostess company paid them for it, which means the inclusion was supposed to mean something good. I just don’t get it. And was this ad made before the Hostess company just went into bankruptcy? (Or is at least trying to; I can’t pay attention to everything.)

The Coke polar bears commercials were just stupid and meant absolutely nothing.

I hate the violence in so many ads; even the one for some brand of Greek yogurt, that starred John Stamos, had crazy violence! He should be ashamed of himself, especially since he’s Greek himself.

Go Daddy’s ads with Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels, two unfeminine chicks, (especially Jillian, who everyone thinks is gay to begin with,) painting a nude female model, were very weird. It would have been creepy if it was guys painting a nude woman, too, but somehow, not as much.

I wouldn’t buy a Hyundai because of the commercial with a mountain lion chasing a person. At one point, they disappear down a hill, and it doesn’t look good for the guy. How is that supposed to make us want to buy their car?

But the Doritos commercials were downright offensive. I thought the dog killing the cat and then bribing his owner with with the crappy chips to keep it a secret was dreadful enough. But I will never, ever buy them again because of their baby slingshot ad!!! That was the most offensive thing I’ve ever seen on network television. And how irresponsible of everyone involved; they know that idiot kids do stuff they see on TV!!! The tiny little warning, “don’t try this at home” just does not cover it. Those ad execs are some sick mofos.

JIMMY FALLON’S LATE NIGHT SPECIAL

[I told you I watched all day!!!]

Jimmy Fallon doing his now-famous "Tebowie."

I think that I think that Jimmy Fallon just may be the best talk show host in history. And that’s coming from one of the finite number of people who have guested on Johnny Carson’s show! I really didn’t think anyone could ever rival the great man, but Jimmy had me rolling in the aisles last night on his post-game special.

I’ve never actually watched even a quarter of one show of his shows. To be more accurate, not even more than a minute. And that was only once. But the bits I’ve seen elsewhere look great. So, I’m at least placing him side-by-side with Johnny. For now, at least, because perhaps it was just the euphoria of the Giants victory that made me giddy. But I was grateful for the laughs, no matter how they were manifested.

And for the Giants winning yet another Superbowl! Yay!!!

As an actress, I had the honor of voting for the Screen Actors Guild awards, that took place last night. I take these responsibilities seriously, as I suspect few others do, so I saw every film that had a nomination. I didn’t vote in some television categories because I didn’t think it was fair to do so, as I hadn’t seen all the nominated performances. But, on the whole, I was satisfied with the outcomes.

I was actually out last night, at the opening night of Art at the Pasadena Playhouse, which I’ll review tomorrow, so I missed the walk-ins. No big loss; just less to rag on. (Like that new idiot Asian chick who covers the red carpet for E. At the Golden Globes, she actually told very overweight Melissa McCarthy that the reason she herself has such great abs is because she’s busy laughing at Melissa on-screen! Nice comment to a heavy girl.) (And, what makes gray-haired, tattooed, chubbette Kelly Osbourne a “fashion expert”??? If I looked like she does, I’d get a make-over!)

Anyway, here are my observations during the telecast:

I was happy for Christopher Plummer to win for his supporting role in Beginners, but I voted for Nick Nolte in Warrior, the most under-rated movie perhaps ever! I don’t know anyone else who even heard of it, maybe because the topic was Mixed Martial Arts. But if you want to see acting how it’s supposed to be done, run out and see it. Not only was Nick brilliant, but so was the rest of the cast. [My long overdue review should be published here next week, so please check it out.] Jonah Hill, in Moneyball, and Armie Hammer, in the dreadful, waste-of-time J. Edgar, didn’t deserve to be in this category with the other three. (Kenneth Branagh as Laurence Oliver in My Week With Marilyn was the other deserving nominee, whom I was planning to vote for until I saw Warrior.)

I just realized that I’m only one degree from Chris Plummer!!! His first wife was the eccentric Broadway actress Tammy Grimes, with whom Mr. X starred in a play in Toronto several years ago. She became one of my favorite afternoon tea partners; it was fun to hang with someone who was even kookier than I!!!

Was gorgeous Mexican actor Demian Bichir, who was nominated for his work in the excruciatingly painful A Better Life, a gardener before he became an actor, like we actors from the United States are waiters first? I always think it’s funny when we wind-up playing waiters, and he wound-up playing a gardener!

Shailene Woodley’s hair looked like she just came from the gym.

Remember when black women could play only maids in movies, and it took decades for them to be able to play other roles? Well, Octavia Spencer won for doing just that! How come no one else mentions this irony???

My fellow actors who voted for creepy Alec Baldwin are idiots! He’s rude and thinks he’s more important than everyone else. (I know from experience.) The winner should have been any one of the other guys, but I really thought the union would reward Steve Carrell for this being the last time he could win for The Office. And because he’s a good guy! And how was Jim Parsons not nominated for male in a TV comedy???

Betty White looked great! Her outfit was cool and perfect. And she’s so funny without pushing it or even planning anything.

Jessica Chastain‘s basic creamy teal dress was simple, pretty, and perfect.

I love that the Bacons presented together! Award shows never have people who even know each other present together, for some strange reason; it’s like seating strangers together at dinner parties, which drives me crazy. [Note: Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick are married, for those of you who read about only the couples who don't make it.]

I’m so glad that the deserving Modern Family won, but they shouldn’t have let the kids do that really unfunny bit as their acceptance speech. Especially since all the grown-ups on the show are funny, and we really wanted to hear them.

I have never before noticed that the SAG Award statuette has a tiny semblance of a male unit!!! Gross. He also has no face!!! I know that’s so he can wear a mask of comedy or tragedy, but it’s just creepy. I guess I should be glad that I’ll never win one! My Marvy Award (don’t ask) is weird enough.

I didn’t see the other ladies’ performances in the TV movie category, but Kate Winslet, as Mildred Pierce, did not deserve the win. Perhaps she agreed with me because she didn’t show up.

Zoe Saldana did look great, even though she always seems like she thinks she’s all that.

Paul Giamatti just does nothing for me. I never understand how he wins anything. Maybe at the beginning, when perhaps the voters felt sorry for him and figured it’s his one chance at it, because actors who look like him usually don’t get the main roles, but they just keep on coming. The roles and the awards! That one’s a head-scratcher for me.

Ken Howard‘s rant about the merger of SAG and AFTRA was out of place on a nationally-televised basic entertainment show. Nobody who watches it gives a rat’s ass about the merger! It was a very inappropriate venue for that announcement. And it’s not even a done deal! Or even one that all the members of both unions want! Save it for a union meeting, not national television. Don’t waste the public’s time.

I love that Dick Van Dyke proudly mentioned that Mary Tyler Moore came to our attention on his show when she “was just twenty-three!”; nowadays, a gal can’t get a job as a sitcom wife unless she’s been on series TV since she was twelve!!

Mary looked great, especially for what she’s been through health-wise for the past couple of years. But I have a horrible feeling that she can’t walk because this was the second show recently where they had her positioned at the podium so we didn’t have to see her walking out.

The tribute to MTM reminded me of this: when I started out in show biz, I thought of changing my name to Karen Tyler Moore. (Looks good, right?) Then, when people would ask me if I was related to Mary, I’d just look humble and say, “I’m trying to make it on my own.” That way, I wasn’t lying (which I abhor,) and hopefully, the powers-that-be would assume I was, and try to help me! Clever. But I wanted my parents to get credit for any success I had, so I kept Salkin. Perhaps not the best move, especially since, because of my show, Karen’s Restaurant Revue, everyone just called me “Karen” and never even knew my last name! Kind-of like “Cher,” though not by my design.

Jessica Lange‘s dress was awful. It was the color of warm dog poop, the top didn’t fit over her boobs correctly, and it was so low-cut that it featured her crepe-y chest. Even though she’s aged perhaps the worst of any female in show biz today, she really can do better with her attire.

Steve Buscemi‘s uttering, “To my fellow nominees um, congratulations” was the most insincere, obligatory reading of any winner ever! It was best left un-said.

I actually loved Meryl Streep‘s semi-matronly outfit, which I’m sure no one else did. It was classy, comfortable, and no nonsense.

How was Larry Hagman able to talk on a Sunday??? When I was first starting out in the biz, Mr. X took me to a very show business private party at David Wayne‘s house, with lots of older famous people. I was in awe. We wound-up sitting on the patio with Larry, who was rocking a fez. That was weird enough, especially to an impressionable young girl, but I noticed he wasn’t talking. Or even laughing, when we all were. He just smiled a lot. Seeing my obvious confusion, one of the other guests explained that Mr. Hagman didn’t talk on Sundays! Combined with the fez, I thought it was some kind of strange religious ritual. But no—it was a self-imposed rule. One that everyone wishes I would follow!!! Every day of the week!

Adorable winner for The Artist, Frenchman Jean Dujardin looked so much older in the film, which is how they did look way back in the day, in the era this film was set in. It’s so interesting. But his hesitant acceptance speech revealed why he made a silent film!!!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie appear to be so lovely. They were so happy for Jean, even though he was up against Brad.

This next sentence I actually hate writing, but I do want to be credited as the one to have written this first (although, shamefully to other journalists, I never am.) Okay, here goes: I hate to be the one to bust her because I love her, but I think Angie had her eyes done! I’m pretty sure I saw those surgery scars when they did close-ups of her chatting with Tilda Swinton at the end. And perhaps a slight face lift. I hate myself for pointing it out.

I also hate that this show says “actor” for females. As Mr. X asked, “When did ‘actress’ become a derogatory moniker???” There’s “actor” for men and “actress” for women. Period. Nothing wrong with it.

Viola Davis‘ left eyelash was falling off during her acceptance speech. Her win was quite the surprise after Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams shared the honor at the Golden Globes in the same category. As a fellow Rhode Island College alum in the Theatre Department, helmed by Dr. P. William Hutchinson, Viola and my mutual good friend still, I was glad to hear her mention the state.

Did anyone else notice that Owen Wilson looked stunned when The Help won for best ensemble over his Midnight In Paris???

That’s it. So we have only the Grammys and Oscars to go this season. I have to go sharpen my claws for those.

I have to thank those of you who sent me Happy Birthday messages on Saturday, (the day before the Globes telecast,) by every method, (save for carrier pigeon.) They actually all really helped me get through my most difficult birthday ever.

In an incredibly busy week-end that included not only my birthday but four important post-season football games and a new and definitely improved Miss America, I just had to turn down dinner invitations to stay home and watch the Golden Globes live, solely because of host Ricky Gervais‘ return gig. He was still excellent, and provided most of the very few laughs to be had on this snoozefest, but he was better last year when his controversial lines took us all by surprise. This year, the assemblage was holding their collective breath, so it didn’t have the same impact. And he toned it a taste, to boot. The Jodie Foster stuff was priceless, though. If he hosts again next year, just when everyone thought they could relax, I hope he lets them have it full-force again.

Because of the recent sad events in my life, this is the first year in over a dozen that I haven’t even come close to seeing all the nominated films and performances in time for the show. We Screen Actors Guild voters still have two weeks to go before we have to cast our ballots for those awards, but I’m usually finished with my viewings way before the Globes. So I really can’t say with certainty who deserved to win, in most cases. I should have my choices ready to share by the SAG Awards, though.

Also, because of the wonderful Giants victory over the Packers yesterday, I missed most of the red carpet arrivals, so I don’t have that baloney to critique here. So, let’s get straight to the show, and the supposed purpose of them to begin with—to give out movie and television awards.

I thought the audience was pretty lukewarm to Ricky. It’s like they didn’t know what they were supposed to do, because if they laughed, and then he burned them later and they appeared upset, they’d look like they can’t take it when it’s bad about them.

Maybe the organizers cut back on the booze this year because the audience was unusually subdued.

I was happy to see so many of the females, (and perhaps even some of the males,) copying the trampy eye make-up that I’ve been wearing for years!

They should have shown Angelina Jolie when Johnny Depp admitted to Ricky that he hadn’t ever seen his movie with her, The Tourist, one of last season’s biggest bombs.

I’m happy that Christopher Plummer finally won award, even though I haven’t yet seen his film, The Beginners, because I so loved him in his brilliant one-man show, several years ago, of John Barrymore.

Ashton Kutcher looked about a zillion times better clean-shaven and with short hair than he did with the dirty hippie look he’s been rocking all season.

Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore proved that actors really need writers.

I noticed that several women, including Julianne Moore and Julianna Margulies, wore green earrings that didn’t support the rest of their color scheme, but the accents actually looked okay. I love that color of muted green.

Rob Lowe’s spray tan looks even more fake next to Julianne Moore’s lily white skin.

I guess TV people are seated in the back rows, even if they’re Kate Winslet.

Frida Pinto is so cute and classy; I guess that makes her different from just about everyone there.

Jeremy Irons was classy to help the older Golden Globe lady with her presentation.

Kelsey Grammar is just all-around repulsive. I actually feel bad for his wife. I can’t think of much I’d rather do less than be intimate with him. On any level. Ugh.

They played-off the guy who won for music!!! And I don’t think they even used his own composition for the insult. That would have been cool of them, at least.

They finally had to play-off Madonna, though you could tell they did so reluctantly.

And whose fake English accent is more phony—that of Madonna or Johnny Depp? It’s a toss-up.

Mr. X was wondering if these shows have kid seat fillers, in case a celeb has to take their offspring to the rest room during the show, and they want to trick the audience into thinking they’re still in their seats.

I love Angie and Brad!!! They look at each other with such love and respect.

I also loved the color-changing set.

Angelina looked the most stunning with that matching red lipstick, but I have three words of fashion advice for her—sleeves, honey, sleeves.

Katherine McPhee didn’t get the memo to wear tramp make up. She looked like she was just in rehearsal next to heavily made-up Debra Messing.

Winner Idris Elba gave a good, well-structured speech.

Classy of Seth Rogen to mention an erection, caused by the gorgeousness of truly classy Kate Beckinsale.

Michelle Williams won for Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical; but she was in neither a comedy nor a musical! My Week With Marilyn was a total drama!

But she’s so much better looming than she was on Dawson’s Creek!!! She was awful on that show, and looked horrible, as well. Boy, has she come far in her career! Like Sally Field back in the day.

And, I have to give Michelle credit for always bring her BFF, Busy Phillips, everywhere she goes. I’d love to have a friend like that!

Peter Dinklage, of whom I’m a fan, gave a creepy speech, except for the end. He mentioned “Martin Henderson in England,” and suggested Googling him, which I did, and it turns out he’s a dwarf who got paralyzed in a “dwarf-throwing: contest.” The thought of something like this going on in this day and age turned my stomach. But props to Peter for mentioning it to bring attention to this cruelty.

Spielberg mispronounced “Paramount “ as “Paramont!” And Scorsese made the same mistake later. Shame on them both!!! Are these guys too busy and important to learn the correct pronunciation of a studio that they’ve both worked at?

And how badly did Spielberg’s tux fit???

Nicole Kidman looked fantastic!!! Her body looks like a giant Barbie doll.

The exact opposite of Brangelina, the couple of manly Felicity Huffman and repulsive William H. Macy just really makes me queasy. Truly.

Could Madonna be any phonier???

They were smart to pair Jane Lynch with Tina Fey because their looks match. I’m not judging them, at least not here; I’m just saying they matched.

Reese Witherspoon‘s red dress was the outfit of the evening.

Poor Jessica Lange just got so old. And why would she wear a backless dress??? And what happened to her teeth?

Actually, just about everyone looked old, even Matt LeBlanc, who’s only forty-four, but has mostly gray hair. Maybe that’s why I’m fighting getting a Hi-Def TV!

Sidney Poitier‘s appearance was quite the surprise.

Helen Mirren‘s speech (in tribute to Morgan Freeman,) was one of the most uncomfortable of all time! But she followed Sidney, who was worse. Morgans was brutal, as well.

How rude of Morgan to declare, “Although they call it the Cecil B. DeMille award, in my house, it’s also known as the Sidney Poitier award.” Classy. At least he didn’t thank his step-granddaughter for being his girlfriend!!! Come to think of it, Ricky Gervais should have mentioned that!

And it was lovely that Sir Ben Kingsley‘s date was sitting on his lap, playing with his tie, while Morgan was accepting his special award.

The only good bit of the night to this point, outside of Ricky’s bon mots, was the Modern Family acceptance speech.

Jessica Biel‘s dress was horrible!

I wish a foreign winner, such as Jean Dujardin of The Artist, had said, “Thank you Hollywood Press,” instead of Hollywood Foreign Press. Get it?

Speaking of Jean Dujardin, I love that guy!! His was the only charming speech. I can’t believe how different he looks in person. I mean it!

Colin Firth looked great, especially his body! I’ve never even noticed his looks before.

Tilda Swinton could make money down at the Third Street Promenade charging for pictures with her. Not as herself, but as a weirdo in this town.

The only speech that matched the Modern Family one, and the French people’s, was Meryl Streep‘s! I haven’t even seen The Iron Lady, but when her category came up last night, I told Mr. X that I hoped she wins because she always gives great speeches, and I was bored to tears by that point. And, she did not disappoint.

Meryl appears to just love winning! And always deserves to. And we love her acceptance speeches. But she desperately needed lipstick. And how dowdy was her outfit? And why didn’t the guy in front, who wound-up with her glasses, give them to her??? And why would she need them for her speech, anyway, when she didn’t have a paper? Do they put nominees’ speeches on the teleprompter???

And then, here comes Jane Fonda, being so much older than Meryl, but looking so much better. Better than almost everyone, actually, and definitely anyone her age. Ever!!!

Mr X noted that George Clooney‘s super-unclassy male genitalia joke was worse than anything Ricky Gervais said all night!

So that’s it for the Golden Globes. I have to go write-up all the suites for you to read about for the rest of this week. Because the only thing more fun than ragging on the Hollywood phonies is cluing you guys in on the fabulous new products they’re receiving!

Here are my thoughts on the American Music Awards from Sunday night, beginning with the walk-ins show that was on ABC, with idiots hosts Chris Harrison and Vanessa Minnillo. My musings are in order of the whole presentation:

Chris said something to Jenny McCarthy about her “getting groped by strangers for five hours” during her New Year’s eve gig, and she replied, “Yeah, but it’s so worth it.” Is a stupid TV gig really worth getting groped by anybody??? Is anything?

The girl from The Band Perry said their mom is their stylist. She told her daughter to have that hair??? My mother’s insisting on stupid “pixie cuts” is looking better to me now.

One time when they cut back to Vanessa, I thought that she was an old chubby woman! So I guess I would have a chance with her husband, Nick Lachey, after all!

And she kept upstaging her interviewees.

I did not know that LMFAO is comprised of relatives of Smokey Robinson and Berry Gordy!!! (Neither did the guys at my local market when I made an emergency whipped cream run in the middle of the show, and gave them that news.) Of course, I did more research on the topic and discovered that LMFAO is really just a duo who are Berry’s son and grandson. Weird. I guess Smokey’s nephew is one of the other guys on-stage with them.

Smokey was a great interview, by the way! Talking with him so many times over the years is a highlight of my career.

In singing the praises of Justin Bieber, Sean Kingston said, “The kid is amazing. He’s just a humble kid, you know, he’s charming,…” Who would have thought they’d hear Sean Kingston use “charming,” especially on the Biebs??? Now I love that guy, just for that word usage!

Chris didn’t even ask Sean how he’s doing since his serious accident! Was he even aware of it???

Every time Vanessa talked to a black person, her vernacular turned ghetto. Lovely.

I love that Chris Daughtry said, regarding his four children, “They’re amazing. Our home is so alive at all times. I love it.”

Jennifer Hudson seems pretty honest and nice enough.

Adam Levine was actually very appreciative of what he has, which I was surprised to see.

Matthew Morrison always seems like such a full-of-himself douche.

Now to my thoughts on the actual show:

LMFAO should have opened the show with their party song. That would have been perfect, and what my producer-wannabe mind expected. [Note: I guess they were saving them for the end, which I must admit was a better idea, especially since it was so crazy!]

I still didn’t love the choice of Nicki Minaj to open the show. I actually think it was the worst opening in the history of the show.

And why does she think she has a good body??? On top of the bad body, that outfit looked like something teen-agers would cook-up for Sing. (Look-up Sing, if you didn’t grow-up in New York.)

I think that Nicki thinks she’s Rihanna.

I still don’t get David Guetta. At all!

No host for the show! What a great idea.

I’ve never been a fan of Queen Latifah. Never met anyone who is, actually.

When accepting an award to the group he’s in, Maroon 5, Adam Levine said, “I’d like to thank…”; shouldn’t it be “we’d like to thank”??? (That is a bit nit-picky of me, but I had to warm-up somehow.)

Taylor Swift is always surprised that she won! Enough with that already.

I hated her awful, cheap-looking green earrings.

I wonder what Justin Bieber must feel like. He’s like the biggest star in the world right now, but so many people dismiss him/his music. He’s always the butt of comedians jokes. What a dichotomy to deal with.

His Xmas song, Mistletoe, is good enough, but it’s a weird song to be bopping to on-stage.

The Band Perry did great. But, again about the straw-looking hair on the girl in the group: this is how her mother styled her? Maybe the mom is secretly jealous. The girl looks like a young Heather Locklear who got caught in a windstorm.

I usually love Chris Brown’s performances, but I don’t know what they were trying to show me with this one.

Why did Jennifer Hudson change her dress from the walk-in, just to present, not perform?

Nicki Minaj appeared to be an idiot! How stupid, and rude, to wear those untenable shoes when she might win an award. So she had to have people help her out there and used up a lot of time doing so. Self-important, are we?

As the Suburgatory ladies walked out, I exclaimed, “What a horrible dress!” I meant on Cheryl Hines, but then I added, “On both of them.” And their hair and makeup looked like they were in an early morning rehearsal, not the actual show! Perhaps being actresses, and not in the music biz, they didn’t get the correct memo. Talk about your fish out of water.

That was the best Kelly Clarkson ever sounded!!! And looked! Her weirdo satyr-butt actually looked almost good in that dress. And she seemed so in charge I that number. I think it because she was actually singing this time, and not screaming.

JLo’s performance was subtitled “Take that, Mark Anthony.!” Mr. X said it was the best performance of hers that he’s ever seen, and also the best she’s ever looked. [Note: he's not a fan of her looks.] He said her outfit “must be an entire Spanx bodysuit.” (Where did he ever hear about those???) But I thought it was a tad baggy in places. She must have been working out for months for this one performance. (Well, two, as I found-out later.)

The girl in Lady Antebellum went up to the stage to accept an award–carrying her purse!!! (I think JLo did, too, but I averted my eyes then because this is one of my award show pet peeves.)

Seeing Adam Lambert on there was a surprise because they didn’t announce the presenters at the beginning of the show, only the performers. As I always state, I love that boy!!! (Professionally and personally, too.)

The first shoes. The second ones weren't much better.

Idiot Nicki Minaj changed her erroneous shoes before her second award, but we still had to wait another hour for her to take the stage to claim it.

And she said, “I want to thank God. And Little Wayne.” Are they eligible for Best Duo or Group?

After she rambled on for ten minutes, including wasting our time with wishing a happy birthday to a homey of hers, she stated “I don’t know what to say.” Duh!

Benjamin Bratt did his intro of Pitbull well, for someone who seemed totally uncomfortable out there.

Mr. X is making me tell you that when I thought I saw Jennifer Lopez dancing behind Mark Anthony, and got excited about it, I said, “My mind starting racing. I thought they were going to reconcile on national TV!” He made fun of me for that the rest of the night.

But that Mark Anthony sure can sing!

Darn. For one minute, I actually thought we had a night off from Heidi Klum. At least we didn’t have to see Seal, too. (Mr. X looked at Heidi and said, “Oh, the Perry mom did her hair, too!” What was up with all this awful dead-looking hair so many chicks were rocking???

Katy Perry’s styling is like Gaga-lite. She always dons wigs and costumes, like Lady Gaga does, but doesn’t go as far. I like Katy’s outifts better.

Though the audience loved her subdued performance on the show, I felt like the act was the daughter of Gaga and Janis Ian. And, (Mr. X threw-in,) Joan Crawford. I think her strong song would have been more effective if she just came out in normal garb, but Mr. X and I disagree on that. At least she was the only one singing live thus far. And I love that when she got an award, (was it really the surprise they made it out to be?,) she didn’t do the phony thing and try to reach out and hug Heidi.

Who was Mark Anthony routing for to win the Latin award–JLo or Pitbull??? I’d love to know.

Has Beyonce had face work??? She looked a little different than usual on the satellite feed of her. Like her lips were changed or something, though I can’t imagine why she would need any of that.

And I love that her presenter, Ellie Goulding (who I’m not familiar with,) said Beyonce couldn’t accept because she’s “expecting her first child and she can’t be flying all over the country…” and then Beyonce accepted by satellite and said the reason for her absence is because “I’m in New York promoting my DVD.” Get your stories straight, ladies!

The show was mostly blah until Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5, with Christina Aguilera, although Xtina’s mike should have been up higher, in my opinion.

Hey, Christina–Snooki called; she wants her body back. That white skin-tight number wasn’t a smart dress for someone who’s self-conscious about their weight.

I didn’t realize that Bruno Mars is so short! But he has such a beautiful face. He could play Sal Mineo.

I don’t know what Katherine Heigl was doing there, but could her boobs have been any more fake?

The announcer intro-ed Jenny McCarthy as an “actor,” a term I hate for females. It’s so pretentious.

For will.i.am’s number, Fighting Gravity, the black-light performers who were the highlight of that act, didn’t get any credit!!! How rude.

Who was that chick standing at the mike with Jenny??? Wasn’t she just the one who brings out the trophies? Talk about a lens louse!

Back to Vanessa Minnillo: she walks really badly. Mr. X said, “what a turnoff” and “what a douche” about her in general. Too bad Nick Lachey doesn’t agree with him! (Actually, I believe my crush on him is over. No room in there with Hugh Jackman, Simon Baker, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy.)

Taylor Swift won over Adele for Artist Of The Year? Who are these voters???

Taylor’s acting like she didn’t know she was nominated! Mr. X said she’s accepting like she was a write-in!

LMFAO’s closing number was really fun. I always love seeing the dance group Quest with them, especially Hok of  So You Think You Can Dance fame. And that little lip-syncing-on-YouTube kid. It is truly a party on-stage.

I had just one problem with the number–most of you know that I’m as happy as the next girl (or guy) to see near-naked men, but seeing them all dance ensemble in their skivvies just made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of my days as a guest at UCLA’s many frat houses. (It’s not what it sounds like, though—they were all just upset I wouldn’t go near any of them, so occasionally, I think to entice me, though that really backfired, they would strip down and dance around. Hence, the multiple houses for me, cause I had to move on when the inhabitants of one got too crazy.)

The front row of the arena was full of weird peeps. It was kind-of uncomfortable to watch.

That’s it! Whew! Hopefully, there are no more awards shows this year. Now I can rest up for the on-slaught beginning in the middle of January. I have to go get a massage for my fingers now, after all this typing.

Well, my begging for votes for Hope Solo, just so Rob Kardashian wouldn’t make it to the final, didn’t work out, and I can’t blame anyone but Hope. Last week, her “dancing” was even worse than usual. And her bad sportsmanship was appalling, especially for an Olympic athlete.

More on that in a sec, but, as much as I’m rooting for J.R., on so many levels, I was a little shocked at his attitude, as well. It’s great to be serious about a competition that you’re in, even one as petty as Dancing With The Stars, but he’s just way too intense when he doesn’t do as well as expected. It’s easy to be happy for him when he’s doing great, but it would be lovely to see him be a good sport when his performance falls a little short, as well. I’m still begging you all to vote for him, though. More on that topic after I rant about Hope for a little bit.

Maks, (Hope’s professional dance partner, in case you’re from another planet,) looked miserable all season, and I think that that’s where his bad attitude came from. In the beginning of the season, he was thrilled that he got an athlete to train, because he assumed that, in addition to having the right training mind-set, she would then be on his physical level, which would then make everything easier. But instead, he got a big, uncomfortable, insecure lummox, and he was barely able to crack a smile during all these long months.

Maks has been frustrated this whole time, and who can blame him? Hope turned-out to be a totally uptight person who needed to be on one of those psychological doctor shows instead of a dance one. Her DWTS’s experience seemed to just worsen her obvious inferiority complex, rather than help it. Even the way she talks is weird and uncomfortable.

And her “dancing” was brutal. How could she not have known how bad she was??? When Maks was just pulling her around, she was okay, because he was doing all the work. But out of hold, ugh. Her two dances the week before last were her best ever, but her hands in the jive were hard to watch. Why didn’t she just close them? That’s not hard to do.

I really do understand Maks sticking up for her when the judges were bordering on cruel a few weeks ago, but there’s no way he didn’t know she was dreadful.

Hope was involved in some big soccer controversy several years ago, and I believe she was kicked-off the national soccer team. The coach had taken her out of a game in favor of a lesser (in just about everyone’s opinion) goalie who wound-up flubbing a few catches, which cost their team the game. After the loss, Hope gave television interviews saying she knows she would have made those saves. That’s just not done in sport, dissing a team member. (Unless you’re Shaq and Kobe, of course.) I’ve heard her state that she learned her lesson from that experience, but I guess it’s hard to change a bad attitude of entitlement.

I’m sure it’s hard to be criticized so much, especially on national television, but an athlete, more than just about any other profession, should be able to hold their tongue. Or at least state it better.

So, Hope and Maks are out of the Dancing With The Stars final, [note: I hate it when people say “finalS,” plural--it's just one, singular final] and we’re left with the two teams we’ve all expected to be there from Day 1, J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff, and Ricki Lake and Derek Hough, and one shocker, Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke, a duo who just skated through the season and are left standing. I’m sure Rob’s creepy family tweeting for votes didn’t hurt either, despite the fact that I still haven’t ever met even one person anywhere who watches their shows, or cares about them even one little whit. Nobody I know even disses them; they’re just a non-topic.

I really hope that J.R. wins because he’s by far the best dancer. The big problem is that we viewers don’t vote for just the supposed celeb; we vote for the pro dancers who we all are much more familiar with than we are with the weirdo beyond-D-list competitors the producers choose. And Derek is, again by far, the most popular dancer on that show. So, voters could possibly make Ricki the winner just because she had the great fortune to get Derek as her partner.

And, from everything I’ve read over the years, viewers really like Cheryl Burke, (though I don’t get that,) and seem to hate Karina. It’s perhaps a jealousy thing because I think most voters are female and Karina’s sexiness is a threat to them while Cheryl’s basic-ness is not.

But dear readers of this E-zine, here’s my plea for fair voting: J.R is the best dancer. Plus, he’s also been through so much pain in his short life that I want him to catch-up on happiness. Outside of being heavy and getting a divorce, two normal things that millions upon millions of people go through, Ricki has skated by in life. And talk about skating by–Rob has had a charmed life, outside of losing his father who I’m about to give you my negative thoughts on, and he’s already gotten more out of this dancing experience than anyone could have expected at the beginning.

So, here’s what you gotta do to vote for J.R. Tonight, if you’re so inclined to do the fair thing: The phone number for J.R. And Karina is 1-800-868-3410 and you can dial it from 8PM-10:30PM tonight. (Again, you don’t even have to watch the show to vote.) And each phone line is allowed only a few votes, so it’s not a lot of work. And remember–don’t let them tell you that “your time zone is currently closed,” because it’s not true until after 10:30PM. You can also vote at abc.com until tomorrow morning.

Okay, so we all get my points about why I really want J.R. to win, right? Good. So now, I have some extra thoughts on the show, which I didn’t want to cloud my message from the first half of this column, which is, (in case you didn’t get it because I rambled on about Hope for a bit): PLEASE VOTE FOR J.R. AND KARINA!!! Here are those thoughts:

Hope Solo just plodded around, with her shoulders hunched over. She did the steps more-or-less correctly; she just can’t dance. Some people just have no dance ability, no matter how hard they try. I do think that Hope tried hard and gave it her all, but she just has no dancing talent. Most people don’t, as a matter of fact. Just go to a white person’s wedding. Or worse, bar mitzvah. (Although Jewish girls really can dance, for the most part.)

I know one or two people who try really hard in this category, as well, with no luck. I’m sure they think they can dance, but talk about denial. I know what I suck at, which is almost everything athletic, (except for pool, basketball, and volleyball,) and playing any instrument or singing. So why doesn’t everyone??? (Know what they suck at, not what I do!)

But I was shocked at what a bad sport Hope was! She and Maks did get screwed, though, with missing out on all the publicity afforded to the earlier-eliminated contestants. (No Jimmy Kimmel rant for them, no GMA, and most likely nothing else—the show had already moved on to promote their finalists. Rude. It’s the rush job that the first runners-up get at beauty pageants.)

A note regarding how J.R. Twisted his ankle last week: that’s why your not supposed to dance with sneakers on wooden floors! They just don’t give enough.

I’ve read tons of comments about Maks’ actions this season, on many sites, and I can really see both points. But I agree with the most prevalent view, which is that Carrie Anne is an unknowledgeable bi-atch and Maks is correct to speak his mind. Carrie Ann and Bruno Tonioli are not–I repeat, are not, ballroom dancers, so who are they to judge champions like Maks and the other pros??? Len Goodman is the only one on the panel who is qualified.

Some commenters have the same thought about Carrie Anne that’s occurred to me over the years, as well–that she has an unrequited crush on Maks, like girls in old-time romance comics, and that’s why she’s always ragging on him and talking down to him. Like last week when she reprimanded him, “You can smile all you want, Maks, but” blah blah blah. He wasn’t doing anything, but I think she just wants to try to create some drama with him. Get in line, honey!

I still want J.R to win because he deserves it, but over the last two weeks he’s lost me a bit with his way too intense intensity. He’s always been a good sport when he’s ahead of the pack, but not behind them. That’s the only part that’s unattractive about him. David Arquette would have laughed off the mistakes while privately agonizing over them.

Are we not supposed to notice that Bruce Jenner looks like a woman? Especially when he’s wearing two little diamond earrings, as opposed to hoops. And his wife looks like a man, so there you have it– their connection in a nutshell!

Also, this I’m sure is in the category of letting dead dogs lie, but I have to say it. I really believe that Robert Kardashian, Senior, knew that OJ killed his wife and Ron Goldman, (a guy who was starting a business with my friends, and whom I was supposed to meet the next week, by the way) and that Robert Sr. helped OJ cover it up, rather than report what he knew. I was really hoping that he would have been man enough to leave a note confirming (or even denying) that fact, to be opened upon his death. I could be wrong about it all, but I really don’t think so.

Okay, now that I’ve brought the room down a taste, I’m out of here. I have to gather all my phones to have ready to vote for J.R. and Karina tonight!

Now that I stared tweeting, [note: don't get excited yet—I did it just once, and I'll announce when I'm doing it steadily,] I had thought of tweeting live, but I was due at the opening of Poor Behavior at the Taper, and I didn’t want to do it after the fact, when I watched it back on DVR, (which I wish all those idiots would stop calling “TiVo.” Some do have Tivo, but most do not.)   When my ride cancelled, I got to stay home and watch the Emmys live with Mr. X, who laughs at most of my bon mots, even when they’re not intended to be amusing, but I couldn’t wrap my head around tweeting that quickly. So here are just a few of my thoughts as the show went along:

Nominee Alan Cumming.

Didn’t any of these males ever hear of hair dye???  Hugh Laurie was rocking his usual scraggly mess of a mop, although grayer, and I was shocked to see the usually visually exciting Alan Cumming with old ethnic man gray hair, (though his pants were on fire.) But the last straw for me was seeing forty-four-year-old Matt LeBlanc looking like he could be his own father!!! Enough already. I sure hope some Just for Men made its way into those gift baskets!!!

And, conversely, sixty-four-year-old James Woods, though now short and pudgy, looked at least ten years younger than he is because he has normal color hair.

What was Julianna Margulies wearing?  What a horrible dress.  And what stupid dialog the writers gave her…”I’m the funniest person in the room.” Whassup with that???

We were happy for Julie Bowen, who won for her role Modern Family that we thought often went unnoticed among the rest of the stand-out cast. But why would she expose her flat, bony chest in that two times horrible dress?

The bit done by Will Arnett and Zooey Deschanel was brutally unfunny.  And it was about comedy writing!

Doesn’t Zooey sound like Kermit The Frog?  Think about it.

I’m always amazed at Sophia Vergara‘s body!!!  And she always knows just how to stand up and sell it. And not in an obnoxious way. I’m always impressed with her.

The six girls going up on stage for their nominations was hysterical, though I could tell it was planned and not spontaneous.

Nominee Marth Plimpton.

Martha Plimpton actually looked the best.

Although I couldn’t get past even ten minutes of her sitcom, Melissa McCarthy is very likable.

Laura Linney‘s dress was the most perfect of the night, and exactly what I would wear to one of these awards shows. She featured her excellent legs, while hiding any stomach, arm, and chest problems. And the satin stripe up the sides made it a “tuxedo” dress that was appropriate for the black-tie occasion. Brilliant piece of fashion styling!

Ashton Kutcher was funny enough, while Charlie Sheen‘s bit fell flat.

The stupid group of “resident” singers were depressing, on oh so many levels. We didn’t even know who they were! Why would Oscar nominee Taraji P. Henson lower herself like that? And the dresses on those women, especially the chubby redhead, were beyond unflattering. They were like what a bitchy bride would make her bridesmaids wear.

What the writers behind John Stewart‘s Daily Show acceptors were carrying on took away from the cleverly written short acceptance bit.

I didn’t really know what was going on in the “musical” section with Andy Samberg and company.  I finally figured it out, but it wasn’t worth it.

Lea Michele, channeling my hairstyle!

Lea Michele looked great rocking my ‘do.

I was so happy for the older woman character actress, Margo Martindale, who won an award for Justified. It gives the rest of us hope.

When they went to a commercial one time, Chuck‘s Zachary Levi picking his nose and putting it on the guy in front of him was gross, not amusing.  Maybe good for a high school reel, but not national television.

Kerry Washington looked anorexic.

I don't think she really cares about such things, but Julianna Margulies' hair was a wreck!

What was Julianna Margulies’ hair doing when she accepted her award???  She looked like she just stepped out of the shower.  And not a sexy one.  She needs a tan and lipstick, too.

When Julian Fellowes, the creator of winner Downton Abbey, finished accepting, I exclaimed, “Now, that’s a speech!!!”  He didn’t risk being “grandiloquent,” (he said he didn’t want to run the risk of being that,) only because no one knows what that means.

Paula Abdul‘s giant head looked super-imposed on her tiny body, especially in the skinny tux, standing next to Jane Lynch, who did an admirable job of hosting, btw, which I’m sure didn’t surprise any of us.

See what I mean about Paula? And how do these two females' bodies conaian the same organs???

The In Memoriam section worked out fine, in the end, but when the guy singers started walking down the aisle singing, it looked like an inappropriate bit.

Anna Torv was the only truly not-full-of-shit person there. What a lovely lady she is, which does come across on Fringe.

Best speech of all came from Mildred Pierce winner, the charming Guy Pearce. Leave it to an Aussie.

Creepy William H. Macy looked even worse than ever, which I didn’t think could be possible.  He looked like one of the Caveman from the Geico commercials.  And the pretentious schmatah he had around his neck has been out of even pretentious style for at least twenty years.  I wish his co-presenter had told him that John Voight called.

And why would he and Maria Bello, who had done some movie together back in the day, say how good it was to see each other when they got onstage?! They walked out together, for goodness sake! Couldn’t they have said it backstage privately? Totally phony.

So, over all, it was a really good show. It moved along, most people were nice enough, there were some fun surprises, and nothing was really painful or unfair.

So, hopefully, tomorrow we’ll move on to what really matters in life—bashing the new cast of Dancing With The Stars!!!

With all that’s happened this past week-end, including Carmageddon, the women’s soccer final, and the release of the child murderer, I, of course, have one more set of random thoughts to share with you. Some are on those topics, and some are really random, but I’ve been jotting them down for a few weeks now, and I refuse to tweet, so they’re included here, in no particular order. (That’s part of the random-ness of it all!) Here we go:

–Why was everyone so disappointed with how Carmageddon turned-out?  I was thrilled with the population of Los Angeles that we all did what was asked of us!  The news stations kept saying that it was a bust or failed or didn’t materialize, but that’s what we were going for! To prevent it from happening in the first place!!!  All precautions were taken, and it worked out the way that was hoped.  So how was that a bust???

But the stupid news channels already had set aside hours of time for all-day stories on the topic, so they had to fill the time. They expected to be doing coverage of all the traffic disasters, but when there were none, they kept just talking about the non-traffic. Very strange.

And some less than brilliant regular people who were interviewed on the subject said the media had created all the hype. If the media hadn’t alerted the public, and shared the message of the powers-that-be, there would have been a huge mess because no one would have known to stay home! Can they not understand that concept???

My neighbor and I had a garage sale because we thought we would have a captive audience in all the people who were due to be stuck in traffic. Of course, there was none, but the customers who did trickle through, including newspeople looking for stories, all had a good time with it. And we were doing our part by staying put in our ‘hood.

Everyone seemed so disappointed, like they had stayed home for nothing, which makes them idiots. Because we all cooperated, the project got done about nineteen hours early. Let’s hope we all remember this next year when it all happens again.

Last thing on Carmageddon—I love the weirdo bloggers who felt they had to come up with ideas for everyone to do during the “siege.” Like we’re all morons who have to go out every second to begin with. The best were idiots who told us to “go to a local park and read a book.” How about stay home and read that same book??? Duh.

–I do feel bad that the United States women’s soccer team lost the final of the World Cup to Japan, but come on—don’t you think that poor country needed some sort of break after everything they’ve been through this year. I know the victory can’t come close to erasing the memories of the earthquake, the tsunami, and nuclear plant problems, but I’m happy for the Japanese people to have something to take their minds off their real situation for a little bit. And the American girls should be proud of themselves to have gone so far.

–Speaking of soccer, I think it’s such a stupid game. They can play for all that time, with only one score between the two teams, and that’s the win. A lot of work, I feel, for not a lot of pay-off. And speaking of time, nobody even knows how long play will be!!! Sheesh.

–If someone pays your taxes on a gift, is that a gift, too??? Which would mean you then have to pay taxes on the taxes.

–The wrong guy was sent home on So You Think You Can Dance last week. I’m glad that after I wrote that they better save Ricky, they did, but Mitchell should have been the one to be eliminated. He’d already been in the bottom three at least two other times, while this was Alexander’s first time. And Alexander’s solo was wonderful, which the judges didn’t seem to appreciate. Bah, humbug.

–I hate UPS, especially the one in Brooklyn.  They never do anything to make it up to you when they screw-up, which has been about ninety percent of the time, in my experience.

–I’ve always been cosmopolitan, having grown-up in New York, and then Los Angeles when I was still a teen-ager.  And I love my star-studded life and am always grateful for it.  But, when I see news stories on rural towns, and even suburbs, having fun neighborhood celebrations for things like the 4th of July, with everyone pitching in and big families camping together, I’m more than a little bit jealous.

–I resent it when rotten people get something good because of their bad behavior, such as Charlie Sheen getting a new series due to all the publicity of his craziness.  Shame on those who hire these people.  And may it only backfire on them.

–Have many of you iPad owners ever noticed that it doubles as a flashlight in the middle off the night?

Judge Belvin Perry, looking confused as to what he's saying, too.

–I know that all the talking heads lauded the judge in the Casey Anthony trial, Judge Belvin Perry, but how someone can speak so poorly and become a judge is beyond me. Way beyond me. He seems like a good enough judge, especially because he gave her the max, but…how can a judge be so ill-spoken?

In just a short time on the sentencing day, he said, “wif” for “with,” “ekcetera” for “etcetera,” “wherewifal” for “wherewithal,” “a-ver,” for “other,” and most shockingly to me, “Anferney” for “Anthony!” How has no one corrected him in all these years??? And how do you get promoted to such a high position if you can’t even speak English??? And I thought the people who were called for jury duty with me were illiterate. Whew—this one takes the cake! (Actually, even he can’t out-do our former President, Mr. Bush, who still says “nucular” for “nuclear.”)

–If all these reporters and looky-loos have the patience to sit through trials and be quiet and pay attention, how come everyone tries to get out of jury duty?

–The first alternate juror who spoke to the press, Russell Huekler, (the one I said looks and sounds like a serial killer,) said in an interview I saw that “we” thought this and “we” said that, referring to the jury, of which he was only an auxiliary part. So, if the jurors are ordered NOT to discuss the case with each other, until the very end when they’re finally in the jury room, and since he was only an alternate, which means he was NOT in said room, how did he know what “we” thought??? If he’s telling the truth, that means that they did indeed discuss the case as it went along, which is grounds for juror misconduct, which results in a mistrial! How come none of the talking heads noticed that???

–And, even though I’ve finally heard some callers ask why Casey Anthony wasn’t charged with obstruction of justice, still no panel members have answered it! Now I’m wondering if maybe she can be charged with it after the fact, as a new charge. From my mouth to God’s ears.

–Even though I believe that the jurors in the Casey Anthony trial are all morons, I still think that their names should not be released, for their safety.

Monica in the Bahamas. Or is it Karen in Florida?

–I used to bar myself from Florida, because of the weather. (I just can’t be seen when I look like Monica in the Bahamas.) But now, I’d never set foot in that state because so many people involved in this trial, led by the jurors, seem so stupid. When even the judge can’t speak proper English, what hope is there for the rest of them?

–And finally, to end on an upbeat note, is whipped cream not the greatest substance on earth???

I think of things to tell you guys all the time. But, since I publish just one column a day, I have to save most of these random thoughts for the appropriate article. I know I should just start tweeting, so I can share with you all the time, but then that’s all I’d do all day!

So, here are some musings, on several topics, to get off my chest now. And they all probably contain too many characters for Twitter, anyway!

[Note: There were way too many originally, and I realized that the column was getting too long for most people's attention spans. So, I split them into Sport Thoughts yesterday, Show Business Thoughts today, and everything else the next time there's a slow news/gossip/sports/television day. If you missed the sports musings, and you're interested in those, which you just might be because, if you know me, you know they're not just strictly for sports fans, please check-out yesterday's column.]

You can't really tell what I'm talking about in this pic, but I couldn't find any better ones. Just look closely at where the jacket hits his lower half. I remember noticing this last year, too.

–This musing looks like it’s about sports, because he hosted last night’s ESPY Awards, but it’s really in the show biz category: Seth Meyers killed again as host of the ESPYs. You go, boy!

–But why does he always wear jackets that open exactly on his manhood? It’s weird. And a bit distracting. Not in a good way. (Not in bad way, either. It’s just out there.) I can see why he sits behind the desk on SNL. (And I don’t even have hi-def!)

–I don’t think I had time to give you my thoughts on America’s Got Talent yet this season, so here are just a few that I jotted won as they announced which four of this week’s twelve contestants were moving on in the competition:

The judges and audience made such a fuss over the motorcycles-in-the-cage act; have they never seen a circus before???  That act is in every circus in every corner of then world!!!  Even the little Coney Island one-ringer!

When they got announced as going through, the guys who held the Russian Bar, which requires such precision, missed the high five!!!

And then they announced that next time, they’re going to do something completely different!!!  Why would they do that???? People voted for this act, not something unseen!

The comedian with the guitar and funny songs, J Chris Newberg, is a riot. I hope that Howie Mandel is correct about him already being able to work a lot.

Dezmond Meeks.

Dezmond Meeks, the singer who looks like the son of Little Richard and an angel, is fabulous and got screwed by whichever power-that-be made him sing Satisfaction to begin with, but even more by that horrible, corny presentation they came up with. What is wrong with them??? The producers constantly mess with the acts and ruin what they do that got them noticed in the first place! I wish the contestants would have the confidence to stand up to them and do what they want to. The same thing happened to the Fiddleheads, the group with a wonderful lead singer and fiddle musicians. They basically came out and said it on the air last night.

Anna Graceman, the eleven-year-old with the big voice, is this year’s Jackie Evancho.

Mr. X was pissed when Anna went through and Dezmond didn’t, not that it was a contest between those two, but they put them in the same elimination trio He said that Howie’s extreme lauding of Anna was “a little inflated.” He added, “That girl will never sing like he does, even in ten years.” She’s excellent, but I agree with him. Dezmond is wonderful. I hope that he can act, too, so he can star in a Little Richard biopic because he has the pipes and the look.

Dezmond is actually still in the American Idol age range, I believe, but I don’t think he can try-out for that show until this one is over, which would then make him too old. And he’s not really AI material now, is he? I’m still keeping my fingers crossed for him to be one of the Wild Cards, if they do that again this year.

[Note: right after I wrote this, I researched Dezmond, for a photo of him. Turns-out, he made it to the last round of Hollywood Week in season four, after Paula Abdul had to fight for him at the beginning. I think he was a little too unmacho for them, if you get my drift. Shame. They missed-out.]

[Note #2 on this topic: I just realized that since he's already on been on two of Simon Cowell's shows now, (Simon produces AGT,) there's not much hope for him to ever make it onto The X Factor. I guess there's always The Voice. And his has definitely gotten much better over the last seven years, that's for sure.]

When it got down to the Fiddleheads and a salsa dance group for the judges to decide between, I was very pleasantly surprised to hear both group’s spokesmen make intelligent, not pat, pleas to move on. Neither one said the usual “this is everything to us” or “we’ve worked our whole lives for this” or “we promise we’ll bring it next week if you put us through.” They should both be proud of themselves for that.

–Just a few quick updates on So You Think You Can Dance:

See what I mean about the discrepancy in their head sizes?

I don’t know which dancers are headed home tonight, but it’s not looking good for Ricky and Ryan. He’s the tall skinny black guy, who’s getting screwed week after week because of his very weak partner, Ryan. She’s way too big for him, especially her head. It’s twice the size of his, thus making them uncomfortable to look at as a pair. (Granted, his head is too small, but…)

They should have probably put him with the equally-strong Sasha, but they never pair two black dancers; I think that they think that, somehow, doing that would be politically incorrect. So, instead, they give him a white lummox. (And I’m sure that the only reason they keep letting her move on, even though she’s often been in the bottom three, is because they’ve known her personally for four years! She was choreographer Mia Michaels’ assistant a few seasons ago.)

Iveta, the tall, thin Lithuanian ballroom dancer, would have been okay for Ricky, as well, but they had to pair her with the tallest dancer, Nick, so her face wouldn’t be close to her partner’s because she looks so much older than her thirty years, making it look like a mother and son are dancing, which would just be icky with the moves they do. (Actually, Ryan looks way older than her twenty! Way.)

A bigger problem is that they retained the same awful director as last season, Nikki Parsons. She can never just let us see the dances and experience them as the studio audience does. She always does nauseating 360s, which are also confusing, and commits the worst offense ever for a dance show—she often cuts off their feet!!! That’s the most important part of them. They really need someone better next year.

The one new thing that’s good about this season tis hat they occasionally have a funny actor guest, like the legendary Debbie Reynolds and last night’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson. But, they kept saying that Jesse has been on Broadway, but neglected to tell us his credits. Big omission.

–Update on The Voice: I forgot to put this in my original review of the Finale because this occurred during the Semis, and by the Finale, I was all about Javier.

But, in the Semis, when a member of CeeLo’s team sang What Do You Want From Me, Adam Lambert’s big hit, Adam Levine said,  “I’m actually not familiar with that song, but you forced me to like it!” And then, “I’m pretty sure that, although I haven’t heard that song before, that you probably sang it better than the person who sang it originally.” So, he’s claiming he never heard of this big hit song???  Nor Adam Lambert??? Calling him the person who sang it originally? CeeLo even said it was Lambert’s song!  What’s up with that, Adam Levine???? Jealous much? Guess you don’t want another Jewish boy, who sings a million times better than you, and is sooooo much better-looking, to boot, in the music biz with you.

–How could Blake Shelton not know the significance of a barbed wire tattoo? I finally had to research if he’d been to jail, which is what it means, and the explanation is that it was supposed to be animal tracks, but looked nothing like them, so he added a “fence.”  I don’t think you can be a boy from Oklahoma and not know that a barbed wire tattoo means you’ve been to jail.

In case you’re wondering just how a girl like me would have that particular knowledge, here’s the story: I met a gorgeous, macho guy in Aspen years ago, who, unfortunately, has tattoos. Plenty of them. (I hate tattoos, in case you didn’t know. Why would someone do that to themselves?) Anyway, he’s the one who broke it down for me. I was immediately concerned about what he could have gone through in his short time in the pen. (Which was for beating-up a guy he found in bed with his wife, btw.)

So, I worked-up courage and asked this 6’4” builder with the abs of life if someone had made him his bitch. He totally deadpanned, “No…I think I’d get my own bitch.” Touche.

This pic of Francis McDormand looks more like a mug shot than a Tonys acceptance!

–Upon further reflection of Francis McDormand at last month’s Tony Awards, (which just happened because I have dirty hair at the moment and can’t imagine leaving the house like this, even just to go to the store,) maybe she was pulling a “Joaquin Phoenix” when she showed-up to accept her Tony in a jean jacket with filthy hair. As you can see, it’s still bothering me a month later. Piggy people like that don’t deserve fame.

–I can’t believe I’m putting this in the category of “Show Business,” so please forgive me, and I’m ashamed to no longer be able to say that I’ve never seen even a small part of any Bachelor/Bachelorette show. I, unfortunately, got hooked on this season several weeks ago, when I saw the promos with that awful Bentley cad. I couldn’t believe that the producers would a) allow someone on the show who’s so devious, b) broadcast the vile things he said, and c) not warn the poor girl about him. They’re actually the ones who should be ashamed of themselves! What they did is just plain nasty.

But now that I have been watching since then, I must say that I’m surprised they did come up with attractive enough and successful enough choices for her. But, if she doesn’t choose J.P. (I think that’s his name—the guy from Long Island,) she’s crazy. Maybe he’d become the first Jewish bachelor then, which could be fun. But my series watching stops here.

–And what was up with that stupid interview with Emily, the one who “won” the last season? It was supposed to be some in-depth interview where she explains why she and Brad broke-up. But all she did was cry and say how hurt she is! She didn’t give any inkling at all as to what happened with them!!!

She said she did the interview so that everyone would stop hounding her once and for all, and that she was there to clear it up for everyone at the same time. But she said nothing. Excuse me–less than nothing!

And they made her fly all the way out there for it, too. Wouldn’t it have been easier to go to wherever it is that she lives? Especially since she has a young daughter. Or maybe the producers got her out here by paying for her to take her daughter to Disneyland. Isn’t that what they do on all these shows?

Or were they just hoping to elicit more tears from her by bringing her back to the house where “it all began.”

These people are all nauseous. [At least I have this opportunity to point out the proper use of the word here, (even though the mis-use is so common that it's now included in some newer dictionaries.) “Nauseous” is not the feeling you have when you're queasy; that would be “nauseated.” “Nauseous” is when something outside of yourself is disgusting.]

Okay, now, after splitting this column up three times, I’m both nauseated and nauseous, so I’m outta here for now.

I had originally mixed-in some musings on sports with other topics, but the sports section was getting so big, especially with all the baseball happenings, that I decided to split it in two. So, here are the sports thoughts, with the miscellaneous subjects appearing in tomorrow’s column.

Unfortunately, I do have to begin with the horrible news from last week because just trying to ignore it in print is making me feel rude, but the musings get better after that.

–First of all, no matter how much this will bring the room down, I do have to acknowledge the tragic, tragic death of Shannon Stone, the fan in the stands of the Texas Rangers game last week. Believe me, the accident has barely left my mind, but I don’t want to depress readers, so I continue with my frivolity. But every day, my heart goes out to his wife and young son. And Josh Hamilton, too. (I can’t write about it now, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about, and want to, please research it.)

Now, back to more frivolous, happy, and hopefully sometimes amusing or educational thoughts:

–I was saving this column for after the All-Star Game, but I needn’t have because it was pretty uneventful, unlike the one in Yankee Stadium three years ago that went fifteen innings and almost five hours! That was into beyond the wee hours. And I was in New York, at first grumbling that I was in town and didn’t get to attend the game, and then being relieved that I was at my home there, cozy in my bed, though forcing myself to stay awake for the whole shebang!

2011 Home Run Derby Champion Robinson Cano and his proud dad, Jose.

–After Derek Jeter’s storybook week-end, the Yankees streak continued in that vein with second baseman Robinson Cano’s record-breaking win in the Home Run Derby last night. A first time participant, he beat the winners of the previous two competitions, and the baseball batting leader so far this season, to take the title.

The entire event was the most exciting it had ever been, at least in the many years that I’ve been watching it. The best part was seeing just how much the whole All-Star experience meant to Robinson. For someone who really seems to struggle with the English language, he expresses himself perfectly. Everything he had to say after his win was just beautiful, especially about how thrilled and honored he was to be in the All-Star Game. That’s the ‘tude all the players should bring to it.  (And, thankfully,  most do.)

–Which means, of course, that I’m a tad disappointed in Derek Jeter that he didn’t show-up, though voted in as a starter by the fans across the country. And that was before his historic Saturday! (You can read all my thoughts on this particular topic in my column from two days ago, that was all about Derek.)

–While we’re on the topic of the All-Star Game I must say that I’m a tad disappointed in the sitch. Some of the biggest names, like three of my faves, Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, and CC Sabathia, have chosen to sit it out this year. (In all fairness to CC, I don’t think he was chosen until after he had pitched on Sunday, which would preclude him from pitching again two days later.) I know that some guys want the days of rest instead, and some are just jaded.

But it puts a bit of a damper on the proceedings for everyone. There are baseball players whose greatest joy in life would be to make just one All-Star team, and when more famous, or better, players shun it, it lessens the fun a taste for the guys who are happy to be there.

It’s kind-of like a high school situation. In my school, since their were just a few cheerleaders, but over four thousand students (!), we had to have a bigger team called Boosters to do the half-time show. Of course, we all were desperate to make the team, and were thrilled when we did. But it kind-of ruined it a little when some “too-cool-for-school” (literally) seniors would show up in street clothing because they thought they were above participating in the activities. And it totally embarrassed the girls who desperately wanted to make the team but didn’t.

I feel that if you’re lucky enough to get a privilege that few other citizens have, you need to step-up to the plate. Literally, in the case of the baseball players!

Curtis Granderson.

–I never knew much about Curtis Granderson until I heard what Vin Scully had to say one time last year, when the Yanks played the Dodgers in inter-league play. His parents are or were teachers, as were mine, so I can kind-of picture his upbringing. Except my ‘rents insisted we all become teachers, too. (We all see how well that worked-out for me, right?)

But I’ve rarely heard him speak before last night. He was talking about a charity he’s involved with (I know he helms the Grand Kids Foundation, but this might have been something else—it was to get seniors in high school to pitch in in their communities, which is a wonderful idea,) and I swear, that guy could be a politician—he’s so well-spoken, intelligent, and engaging! He’s also a college graduate with a degree in business administration. How many major league athletes can say that??? The Yankees are just getting better for me all the time, as people.

Nomar Garciaparra.

–I love Nomar Garciaparra as a broadcaster.  He’s actually one of my favorites.  He’s fair, intelligent, has a great voice for it, and is sort-of really good-looking, especially in a suit.  I can now understand why Bostonites loved him.  At the same time, though, I’m glad I didn’t realize any of this when he was playing against my beloved Yankees.

–Because my beloved Mets played the Dodgers recently, I got to watch them on the local Dodgers station, giving me the opportunity to marvel at eighty-three-year-old Vin Scully once again. I always forget that he does the entire broadcast alone, which is a rarity, let me tell you. Nowadays, everyone seems to sportscast in not only pairs but trios!!! Even talk show hosts need a sidekick. Or, at the very least, they have to riff off the audience.

When I was doing my show, Karen’s Restaurant Revue, I talked by myself for a half hour straight on each episode, with no commercials, and no proceedings to comment on, such as a baseball game, and people marveled at that, too. But it was so natural to me. (Much easier than writing, let me tell ya.)

Vin Scully.

But, since I’ve never seen anyone else do it, I finally had to admit, if only to myself, that what I did was somewhat special. But I had to do it just once a week! (And down the line, once a month.) Mr. Scully is doing it every day!!! At eighty-three! He’s a wonder!

I’m nowhere as accomplished as he, but still, it made me query why none of the guys who watched both local sports and my show never compared the two of us. There’s no one else who does this one-person bit. I never even made the comparison before! What’s wrong with all of us?!

There is one big difference, though: At the end of his telecasts, Vin says, “Goodnight, everybody,” whereas they had to use a hook to get me off the air. Maybe that’s why his television career has outlasted mine.

–I can’t believe that Bob Lee, a sportscaster for the Women’s World Cup, was interviewing two of the players, and said the next-to-last word in the following: He was talking about something being between the two of them, and said, “…even inter-personally. Even, perhaps, between ‘yous two.’ ” Yous! Without batting an eye! The girls didn’t, either. That’s shocking!

–How’s this for low? The IRS is going after the fan who caught Derek Jeter’s 3,00th hit ball, even though he’s not selling it or trying to profit from it in any way!!! But, since it was announced that the Yankees organization gave him four tickets for each game for the rest of the season, including play-offs, (knock on wood,) and some signed memorabilia, the government wants the kid to pay taxes on those items. You can’t even be a good guy anymore in this world. Disgusting.

–And, looking back to the tragic topic I began this column with, you would think that everyone who attends baseball games from now on, especially in the immediate future, would be more cautious about leaning over the railing, especially to try to catch a ball. I don’t think that’s a big supposition. But there was already a close call at Monday night’s Home Run Derby, by a guy standing on a table top along the railing, wearing flip-flops, and leaning over! Now that’s an idiot. I guess some people will never learn, no matter what.

[Note: tomorrow's column will feature my non-sports musings, and will cover everything from Adam Levine to the “trial of the century” to jailhouse tattoos. Talk about eclectic!!!]

[Note #2: Uh-oh. I just remembered the Espys are on tonight! So, there may be a tad more sports thoughts tomorrow. But they'll be gossip-y ones.]

Not that this is even remotely about me, but, if you saw me out and about on Saturday night, and you thought I looked a little pasty, just blame it on Derek Jeter because I was planning on doing self-tanner all day, but I couldn’t stop weeping with happiness when he got his 3,000th hit, and the rest of the day, too, long enough to get it done!

Those of you who are sports fans, or even know a lot about that category, know just how amazing an achievement that is. For the rest of you, it’s a feat that only twenty-seven other players in the history of baseball have accomplished! And he’s the first Yankee to do it!

That last sentence still boggles the mind. With Yankee greats like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Lou Gehrig, and Joe DiMaggio, not to mention Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra, how is Derek Jeter the first??? That should prove to everyone just how hard it is to do.

The whole game on Saturday was storybook-worthy; it was much better than The Natural! Here’s a quick re-cap of the whole shebang, including the lead-up to Saturday:

He’d been going for that record all season. About a month ago, he was inching closer. Just six away from the mark, on June 13th, he suffered one of his very few semi-serious injuries—a strained right calf. It was serious enough to land him on the 15-day disabled list, and then a short rehab assignment in Tampa, before returning to the Yanks after losing three valuable weeks in his quest for his 3,000th hit.

One of the worst parts about that is that the Yanks were due for a long homestand, and Derek desperately wanted to hit #3,000 at home, not on the road.

[On a personal note, I was going to get to see all those games on TV, because they were all nationally televised, which most are not. I know I can probably get a Yankees games season package on satellite for a small fee, but then I'd have absolutely no life at all—I insist on watching every Yankees and Mets game that I have access to. That's why I barely go out in New York in the summer—I get to see both daily. Perhaps a tad nutty, but I love my hometown baseball games.]

So, Derek Jeter finally returns to playing, doesn’t get a lot of hits, and then, at long last, they have a few games at home. By this past Friday night, he needed just two more hits, and everything seemed right in the Bronx. Until the rains came, that is. Being rained-out that night gave him just two games at home to get two hits, which, especially with all that pressure on him, is no easy feat. Their opponents, the Tampa Rays, were asked to agree to play a double-header on Saturday, but refused, which is their right, thus putting even more pressure on Derek.

Which brings us to Saturday day. As always, DJ, (as I call him in my fantasies,) is up first. He gets up to a full count, (look it up, if you’re not a sports fan, but, trust me, it added to the drama,) and then…a hit! A single that brought the crowd to its feet (well, in actuality, they were already standing and cheering when he just walked up to the plate,) and a sigh of relief to everyone’s lungs. Only one to go.

Third inning: he’s back! With another full count. With, I believe, sports fans everywhere praying for just a little hit. But then, like a miracle, it happens—a home run!!! On #3,000! [I swear, I'm sitting here shaking with sobs as I'm writing this. It was one of the most spectacular things I've ever witnessed. No hyperbole here.]

He hadn’t hit a home run in Yankee Stadium in almost a year! Nor barely anywhere else—he’s not a home run hitter. And, sit down for this one, folks; as Derek Jeter, in his signature Yankees #2 jersey, got his 3,000th hit, on a home run, after a full count, and also after a so-so year and a half of at-bats, and an injury and a stint on the disabled list, at home in front of the fans, the clock struck two!!! It happened at 2PM. No one would believe this stuff in a movie! They’d think it was too pat or corny.

When Yankees announcer, Michael Kay, pointed out that fact that may have eluded many in the excitement of the moment, he added something like, “I’ll wait for your goosebumps to go down.” He’ll be waiting quite awhile for mine, let me tell ya.

But that wasn’t the end to the drama that day, not by a long shot. Derek wound-up going five for five, accumulating three singles, a double, and that historic home run. (Btw—he’s only the second man to get to 3,000 by a home run—Wade Boggs did it in 1999, I believe.)

Making it the absolutely perfect day for him, and for all of us, actually, his last hit drove home what turned-out to be the winning run!!! I was so relieved, because when the game kept getting tied, I was really worried because I knew that losing the game would just ruin it all for Derek, which he confirmed later in his press conference.

A funny side note is that, after he got two more hits after the 3,000th, Michael Kay said, “Only 998 to go to 4,000.” That made me laugh.

That’s all the technical stuff; now to the “Karen” observations:

Fittingly, when he rounded the bases after his historic home run, and the team ran out to meet him, the first two he hugged were Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera, his only two teammates of seventeen years! (Actually, that trio is the only one in the history of all sports to be together that long.) To my eye, which is trained for that kind of emotional stuff, he also hugged them the longest and hardest, too.

This is my favorite quote I heard about the situation, and trust me, I watched all the coverage all day and night and the following day, as well: Doug Glanville, an ESPN baseball analyst, said Derek was “playing at the highest of levels in Yankeeland. That’s the other wild card factor. You have to play in a pressure cooker environment and he did it with grace and class and obviously very productively.”

Some commentators were saying Derek was “annoyed” by all the attention on his quest, but I don’t think that’s the right word. I know it wasn’t his favorite thing, but he wasn’t annoyed. Not too happy about it, being as private as he is, so perhaps “bothered a tad” would be more like it.

After I recorded each of my thoughts, the broadcasters said the same thing later!!!

And let’s not forget about Christian Lopez, the amazingly kind fan who caught the home run ball… and gave it back!!! The Yankees organization rewarded him with four suites seats for every home game for the rest of the season, including the play-offs, (knock on wood,) but I think they should have given him lifetime access. What would it have hurt them??? They’re never sold out anymore anyway, since the prices went off the charts. And I know that Derek gave him some signed memorabilia, but what would it hurt him to also write the kid a big check??? If Christian had sold the ball, the least he would have raked-in would have been a hundred grand. At the very least, I hope that DJ sends him a big gift.

And just a few comments on Derek Jeter, in general:

He’s such a class act that I don’t think there’s even one player or fan anywhere who wasn’t happy for him, which is highly unusual. (Even the opposing pitcher who gave up the big hit, David Price, tweeted that his own mom was probably happy! That’s a great sport, and he deserves some props, as well.)

I’ve never heard a bad word about Derek Jeter. And I did sports radio shows for years. National ones and in Los Angeles, where they hate the Yankees.

Still, after all these years, he has the cutest body in all of sports.

He’s never been in a scandal, (unless you count that once he was out late in a club,) never been involved with steroids, or even had dating problems. ones that we’ve heard about anyway. He’s rarely in gossip pages, even though it turns-out that he’s had several high-profile relationships. Until I researched him the other day, I actually had no idea that he used to date Nick Lachey’s fiancée, Vanessa Minnillo! I guess she and I have the same taste in men, on both counts. (She just better stay away from Mr. X!)

Now, all that good stuff being said, I have to add my thoughts on the upcoming All-Star Game situation, in which I’m more than a tad disappointed. Here are the scoops:

So, after all this excitement, I couldn’t wait to see him at the All-Star Game tomorrow. I told Mr. X that this just be a great relief to Derek to have gotten in the “3,000 club” before the game, so that, rather than quizzing him about just when he’s going to achieve it, they can all pat him on the back and celebrate the achievement with him. I was happy for everyone over it—Derek, the fans, baseball, the guys who aren’t nearly as famous as he is who get to glow in the fact that they’re on the field of their mutual sport with him. And, of course, me, who gets to kvell over all of it! [Note: kvell's a Yiddish word meaning to burst with pride, basically.]

But then it sank in—I did, indeed, hear correctly the first couple of times, that Derek elected to sit out the All-Star Game this year, due to his recent (though healed) calf injury. I’m crushed, for all of us. Yes, he seriously needs, and deserves, a couple of days rest. But, isn’t that what he had when he was on the disabled list for said injury? I know he also rehabbed, and had stress over what the immediate future would bring. But first, he rested.

I also know that that kind-of rest is not at all what these three days will be. But, I feel he owes it to the fans who voted him in. He doesn’t even have to play! He can just be there! He can do more interviews, (which I don’t blame him for wanting to take a rest from,) and pal around with his fellow players whom he never gets to relax with any other time.

But, most importantly, he can do it for the fans who spent their hard-earned money and their rest time to go to Arizona to get to cheer for him in person, and give them the thrill that they’re craving. And give us at home a chance to weep our guts out once more. Or is that part just me?

No matter what, I’m hoping that by the time you’re reading is, he’s changed his mind. But, as everyone who’s taking part in the festivities is already supposed to be there now, I have a feeling that we’ll all be disappointed this time. I just know what a perfect celebration it would be. And, at thirty-seven, with such a magical moment recently at hand, I don’t know how many more All-Star teams he’ll be voted onto. I’m just sayin’.

Okay, that’s it. I’ve gotta go get ready to watch the Home Run Derby, just in case I have some happy tears left.

[Last note: there are many wonderful articles out there on the topic of Derek Jeter reaching this milestone; I encourage you to research some. It's such an uplifting true story that every person's take on it should be a worthwhile read.]