The test I had to take to get my writing job at People.com a few years ago involved paring down a long magazine article about LeAnn Rimes, someone I knew little about back then. I got the gig, so I’ve felt a slight kinship to her since then.

I don’t know her personally, nor her boyfriend Eddie Cibrian, although he did try to take one of my club nights away from me a decade ago when I was a club promoter and he was a soap actor trying to be a promoter, which is so backwards if you ask me, but way off this topic, which is: Leave these two alone already!

If, God forbid, Mr. X left me for someone else, yes, I would be heartbroken. But if it was because he had fallen in love with her, and wasn’t with me anymore, I’d realize that there’s nothing I could do, and I’d just say “oh well.” You wish circumstances hadn’t changed, but they have, so why want to keep someone who loves someone else?

The thing about this story that bothers me the most is that so many people have to put their nasty two cents in. How is it anybody’s business except for that of those four families? It’s definitely not up to complete strangers to get so mean and righteous about it. That’s why I feel it’s time for me to chime in–because if I read one more article ostracizing them, I’m going to explode.

Yes, they did cheat on their spouses by getting together while still married to others, though none of us really know if they slept together back then. So, they were cheaters in the beginning, most likely. But now, I don’t feel that they’re still “cheaters,” per se. Rather, they’re two people who fell in love and the rest came from there. (I always feel that classic “cheating” is just screwing around outside the marriage, with no real attachment, or at least no plans to leave one’s spouse.)

When there’s real love behind it, with intent to wind-up together pretty quickly, what can you do? I really don’t know how this works, but I can’t imagine that it’s easy to leave your spouse for someone you haven’t known that long. It’s a major life change, and I really can’t imagine that anyone would take that lightly, especially when there are children involved, as in Eddie’s case.

Not that looks are the main factor in choosing a mate, but the weird thing, to me, is that Eddie left his attractive, although plastic-surgeried-out, wife for little squinty-eyed LeAnn–it usually goes the other way. That should show people he’s in love with LeAnn right there!

And here’s an interesting point–back in the day, I was always so against splitting-up for someone else. I was almost militant about it. But then I came to my senses and realized that being in love is an entity totally different than just banging someone outside the marriage, which is what I think the majority of cheating consists of. (Pardon my description, but I think it makes my point.)

And in the case of these two, they didn’t even have to begin as cheaters–they were already making-out in the television movie they met on, so I’m assuming it went from there. They didn’t have to make the decision to get physical–they already were! What can you do?

Here’s my example of leaving someone for someone else when it matters: years ago, a cute friend of mine’s husband left her…for her best friend! While that basic scenario was disgusting, he wasn’t in love with my friend anymore, and was madly with in love with her friend. (My pal always put the two of them together for events, when she was busy, and made it the three of them hanging-out for dinners, etc. They just got too close that way.)

Now, many years later, while I still don’t condone stealing your best friend’s husband, I do believe that the new duo were meant to be together. It’s been well over a decade now and they’re still going strong, with several children. And, though it took about a year to heal, my pal has moved on so much that it’s almost hard to remember that she was married to the guy back in the day.

I think everyone’s problem with the LeAnn issue is that we feel bad for the spouses left behind. But would they really want someone to stay with them when he or she is in love with another? What point is there in that? As long as it’s done relatively peacefully, with lots of notice, I have to stick-up for the feelings of the lovers. (Ugh–I hate that word.)

So, let’s either be happy for them, as I am, or sad for the spouses left behind, as I also am. But, put yourself in the places of LeAnn and Eddie, and I think you’ll give them a bit more understanding. At the very least, please just go back to judging people you know personally.

This column would have been a lot longer, and more fun, if Roger Federer had won his semi-final. But, now, I’m way too crushed to talk about it. I just want to put the whole thing behind me, and hope that I can stop myself from watching so much tennis in the future. (I have a feeling that having one-year-old twin daughters may have something to do with his game slipping a bit, although he was fabulous in his five matches preceding the semi-final.) I just get so depressed when Roger doesn’t win. I have a feeling he gets over it quicker than I do. I’ve been told before that I’m an Empath, and I have to agree.

Three-time US Open Champion Kim Clijsters holding daughter Jada and the trophy.

Anyway, I’m thrilled with Kim Clijsters winning the Championship for the third time! Everyone who knows her says that she’s the nicest girl on the tour and you can always tell that from her. She deserves it, truly.

But a weird thing is that with the way the points are figured out each week, Kim winds-up moving back two spots to #5, and the runner-up, Vera Zvonerava, moves up from #8 to #4! Go figure. (I like Vera, too, by the way.)

The best part of the whole tournament is that Venus Williams didn’t make it to the Finals. I always try to like at least one Williams sister, but they just make that impossible. Honestly, the whole tournament was so much easier to watch with Serena not in it. And Venus was just way too full of herself and rude to the interviewers and her opponents. (She always seems so insecure, though, while acting so superior.)

She made each opponent wait to come out onto the court by taking up to two minutes extra to get to the door. Then, after they had warned-up and were all set to go, every single time, Venus left the court to go to the bathroom. Trust me when I tell you that nobody else does that!!! It’s just rude and disrespectful to the other players.

And her pre-match interviews, which are mandatory before they walk out, are so curt and off the point. She, and her sister, too, just repeat the same sentences over and over, each and every time, with no regard to the questions asked. Nasty.

Speaking of nasty, did you see her attire? Most players wear one outfit the entire tournament, with some of the top contenders having a different one for night matches. (I don’t know if it’s superstition, or so viewers can identify them, or because their sponsors don’t want to cough-up another outfit, or what, but they all do it.) But, in the six matches Venus played at the US Open, she wore five different ones, with three of them being dresses of the same design, just different colors. What they were were skintight, stretchy, what I call “tramp dresses,” just like ones I wore all the time just a few years ago. To clubs!!! Not to compete in athletics!

She looked like an idiot, having to pull the dress down after each and every point, with it sometimes riding-up past her humongous rear-end. And even worse was that she had bike shorts on underneath that looked like the dark top of pantyhose or old fashioned stockings. She looked like a hooker on the court. I’d like to see her just try that at Wimbledon. In true Queen of Hearts fashion, I fear they’d say, “Off with her head!” The only good part of watching her compete was that the crowd usually cheered for her opponent, a turn-of-events that the commentators chose to ignore.

Speaking of Ugly Americans, the fuss that Andy Roddick made when called for a foot fault was so un-called for. He did indeed foot fault, which seemed of no concern to him when he verbally went after the poor lineswoman who called it, demanding to know, “Which foot?!” She erroneously answered, “The right,” which set him off. He knew it couldn’t be that one because he leads with the left, so his only purpose in asking was to try to confuse her. She called the fault correctly, which was proven on the video replay, but just answered the wrong foot when he yelled at her about it. Even in the press conference after, he said her not knowing right from left is what made him crazy. Yeah, that’s what did it and not getting called for a foot fault.

There were lots of other juicy stories, some heart-warming, (like the one of the doubles team from Pakistan and India, two countries who’ve been involved in acrimony since about 1943, who made it into the Men’s Doubles Final,) and some hopeful, like the up-and-coming young Americans. They make me glad that I watch every second of the tournament.

But my last topic on the US Open is the grammar and pronunciation of all involved. (It’s not just those people; it’s everyone on TV nowadays! And in real life, unfortunately. I always mean to start a Grammar section on this site, but there just hasn’t been any time.) I got tired of noting the oh-so-many mistakes the commentators made, from grammar to pronunciation, so here are just a smidgeon of the ones that offended my ears the most.

First of all, I really like Dick Enberg, but he insists on mispronouncing “Nadal.” It’s so annoying. Why can’t these broadcasters have each player pronounce his or her name on tape before the tourney begins??? That way, they can all be respectful of others’ names and get them correct.

Brad Gilbert is just annoying with his own language for pronouncing everything. It wasn’t till about Day 10 (of now 15!,) that I found-out that by “fearhand” he means “forehand!” He’s like some of the not-my-taste guys I went to high school with in that regard. Not great when you’re a guide on national television.

I actually always like to listen to John McEnroe commentate because he’s knowledgeable and amusing, but his Queens-speech can get a tad grating at times, the worst of which is that he says “menally” rather than “menTally.” For a short while, I actually thought that he was talking about something other than the players’ mental states!

Pam Shriver just gets way too many words wrong to report here. I constantly go back to make sure that I heard her correctly. The one that really stands-out to me is when she announced that a player had “clenched” a title. And she even punched-up the word and lingered on it! (She meant “clinched” of course.) I’m always amazed by just how many people mis-speak all the time, but it comes down from having erroneous parents, teachers, and mis-speakers in the media. All Americans should all be forced to take classes taught by someone who knows our language.

But the absolute worst one was by someone on the somewhat obscure Tennis Channel, whom I had never before seen, named Katrina Adams. How this woman has a job that involves speaking is a mystery to me, truly. When I heard her say this one word, I could not believe my ears. I went back to listen about ten times, and then had to confirm it with Mr. X. And then I heard her use the same word on subsequent broadcasts. Here it is–she told winners, “ConDratulations!” I’m not kidding! With a “D,” not a “G!!!” You would think that after the first time she said it someone would explain her mistake, but no. She actually thinks that that’s what the word is! How did she get a job on TV??? It’s just mind-boggling. Or, as she would probably say, “Mind-bottling.”

I’m skipping the Australian and French Opens, but, if somehow I have some thoughts on them, you know I’ll weigh in.

I’m so sorry that this won’t be as long, or entertaining, as usual, but in-between at least twelve hours a day of the US Open and writing my always juicy Gifting Suites columns, I just didn’t have that much time to devote to this years actual Emmys show. Of course I still have many thoughts on it, some not funny, just honest, so here they are. (The red carpet inanities will get their own column.)

Jimmy Fallon was the perfect host! I just think more of him each time I see him perform. He was funny, moved the show along, and didn’t try to make it about him. You go, boy!

But the stupid “twitter” intros were a gigantic waste of time! Just pay the usual comedy writers and hope for the best. (While usually getting the worst.) The intros are the most unimportant part of the evening. Or just have the presenters write them themselves, like they do with program bios! That might be amusing next year. (And remember–I’m the one who came up with that!)

The opening was great! The only problem with it is that there was a chick in the group singing number who Mr. X and I had no idea who she was! We know the Glee cast, Jorge Garcia, Tina Fey, and Betty White, of course. (BTW–she’s always been fabulous, but, for some unknown reason, it became fashionable to be a fan of hers this year–who decides these things???) We even know who creepy Kate Gosselin is because of her groan-inducing Dancing With The Stars stint last season. But just who was that other one? Perhaps a contest winner, like they do on music shows sometimes?

I’ve never seen Lauren Graham act, but at least we know her fashion sense sucks! Why was she wearing a diaper pinned to her chest? Was she planning on drooling over someone? Or perhaps she was planning on burping a baby backstage. Or perhaps it was really a lobster bib, and they interrupted her seafood dinner to go out there and present.

I never saw Steve Levitan before, the creator and producer of Modern Family, but he was just great. I loved his speeches, which were perfect on every level, and he was kind-of cute-looking. He’s doesn’t have my usual type of looks, but he just seemed like an all-around adorable man.

Edie Falco won for best actress in a comedy??? Her winning in that category is the only funny thing about it!

The above statement shows us that the academy must instate a new category for “dramadies” next year. I’m actually not joking about this one.

Why can’t they present the “Guest Star” winners on the air? I really feel that there’s a way to do it. Although, this year, with not a lot of unnecessary filler like they usually have, the show ended exactly when planned.

No one was more deserving of his or her award than Jim Parsons. I actually cried when his name was announced! He’s absolutely brilliant on Big Bang Theory. He blows us away every episode. I don’t think that there’s one other actor on earth who could have filled this role. My only slight problem with seeing him talk, which I’ve done only once before, is that he seemed almost as weird as his character. And did he get even skinnier recently? I hope he’s healthy.

I never saw Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad before, but I had read of how deserving he was from several sources. But, when I heard him speak, I asked Mr. X, “What does he show us?” The answer is–that smoking really does stunt your growth. (He’s short and sounds like he’s a heavy smoker, in case you missed my humor on that one. It might be only a visual.)

Claire Danes is so much better-looking as a woman than she was as a girl. She finally grew into her face.

Was Al Pacino channeling his pal, Robert DeNiro, in his acceptance speech? We all know that Bobby D can’t speak without written lines (and then does better than just everyone else,) but I hadn’t realized that Al has no personality either. His speech was really disappointing.

Kyra Sedgwick is really talented and appears to be a lovely person, so I feel bad saying this, but someone must–her hair was the absolute worst I’ve ever seen on an awards show!!! I wouldn’t even sit around the house by myself with hair like that!

But I really do like the team of Kyra and her husband, Kevin Bacon. There are too few of us show business folk in long-term relationships, and I always feel good to see another couple like Mr. X and me. Although I have a feeling the Bacons don’t tell the neighbors they’re rehearsing Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf all the time.

I thought it was wonderful that Mick Jackson, the director of the TV movie about a real-life Doctor of Animal Science who’s autistic, Temple Grandin, who was in attendance, talked directly to her in his acceptance speech.

The song that Jewel sang for the In Memoriam segment, (that she actually wrote for a late friend of hers,) was really touching. And it didn’t get in the way of thinking about these departed television personalities. I was especially mournful when they showed our old pal, Lynn Redgrave. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

And I guess the Academy forgot that Clarence, The Singing Dog was the co-star of Karen’s Restaurant Revue for all those years! But I guess they always leave out someone. (I hope you all know that I’m not serious about this. But I did say it jokingly to Mr. X after because Jewel’s song made me picture him in that tribute.)

Ricky Gervais was even funnier than usual. I don’t think that Bucky Gunts appreciated his humor, but we in this house sure did.

I’m sick that Conan O’Brien didn’t win! My mouth was watering to hear his speech all day! I was wringing my hands in anticipation! I was even reciting for Mr. X what I thought Conan would say. And then…nothing. What a missed opportunity.

Modern Family was the most deserving show winner of the night. Period.

And speaking of Modern Family, I have to finish with a note about Sophia Vergara. In case you didn’t know, her boyfriend had a bad car accident recently, and is still in the hospital. On both the red carpet and the show, she was all lovely and smiling, in the spirit of the evening, and kept her pain to herself. She didn’t complain or ruin anyone else’s time, but Mr. X said he could see she was hurting. I was wondering how she was able to hold it together to even attend, but I’m really glad she did. I try to never have a bad event stop something good, because I don’t want “bad” to triumph over “good.” It’s too long a concept to explain here, so suffice it to say that I’m thrilled she went and that her show won, and I wish for a speedy recovery for her guy.

At the risk of some of you thinking I’m crazy, I do feel that I have to put in my two cents on the Mel Gibson tapes. I’m not as aghast at them as most strangers seem to be, especially after hearing just the first one, where he tells his girlfriend how gross her implants are.

This photo kind-of says it all.

I’m totally not defending Mel–he’s a complete and utter scumbag in every form. And he should be locked-up for the physical abuse alone, if those allegations are proven to be true. But I just want the hypocrites of the world to think about this: what would your angry fights sound like to the outside world?

I’m from Brooklyn. Everyone there yells that they’re going to kill someone! Strangers have yelled it at me, and I’m sure that I have as well. It’s just ranting and raving. I even have one friend from there who tells everyone he’s “gonna hit” them “over the head with a phone.” In his case, we just laugh. Mel’s is rage, so it’s not to be taken lightly, which I’m not–I’m just pointing out that some relationships are so awful that they can drive someone to lunacy, as this one seems to have done. But we’re not in it, so we don’t know what actually went on, outside of the calls taped by one side of the equation.

Since the woman is the one who taped these calls, she had the upper hand in the conversations. She knew how she should sound. And I have a feeling she knew that Mel would go off on her. Only she knows what plan she had.

I know a tiny drop what fighting with a mate can be like because, both being from the east coast, Mr. X and I can be hot-headed with each other. Once, when a Brooklyn pal of mine who knew that we used to fight a lot, heard us yelling at each other, she said, in her thick Brooklyn accent, “You guys aren’t even fighting–you’re just cursing each other out!” We both shrugged and said, “Yeah? And?” It was just our east coast way of venting. There was really nothing wrong with it. But then again, we never maligned other ethnic groups, let alone our own.

On that same topic, I once asked Mr. X if he had ever had phone sex. To my shock, he answered, “All the time.” I demanded to know, “With whom???” He said, “With you.” He explained that when we’re fighting on the phone, every other sentence is “FU” and we tell each other to go blank ourselves. Very funny. Unfortunately, Mel Gibson’s situation is not light-hearted like ours is.

I agree that most of what crazy, sick Mel said was beyond offensive. But, really, I thought there was nothing wrong with telling her that her breast implants were disgusting and that she looked trampy. Who among us hadn’t thought that when we first saw pictures of the younger woman he was leaving his long-term marriage for? It would have been horrible if he had been yelling at her to get implants, not that she shouldn’t have them!

And here’s one curious thing: when I heard the first one that was released, I told Mr. X that the woman’s part was added later. I made him listen to it over and over because it sounded like a bad acting job, like when re-enactments of situations are done on magazine shows. It sounded like she was totally acting (and not well) when she did the speech that began with “What man does this?” (Or some words like that.)

I just figured that whomever was releasing the tapes had had Oksana re-create her dialog because it was either hard to hear or understand, or had some offensive words in it. But I was positive that her part had been recorded separately. So, when Mel’s lawyers announced that the tapes are edited, I went, “Of course! That’s why Oksana’s parts sound so unnatural!”

Again, I have no interest in this situation: I just wanted to break it down for y’all. I’m really not into this whole spectacle of the crazy drama of a couple of strangers–it’s just not our business. (And haven’t we all had to listen to friends tell us of their relationship histrionics at some point in our lives?) And it’s not exactly news, either, that Mel Gibson is a lunatic. I couldn’t believe that anyone let him work in the business after the “Jew” debacle.

My only interest in the tapes is because I’m always into being a detective. [And would still love to be one, professionally, actually. I have a proposed partner and the name of the agency all picked-out.] And that I want to remind everyone: the next time you’re arguing with someone, make sure that they’re not taping it, or you, too, may sound just as crazy. Just tell yourself not to “Mel Gibson it.”

Mr. X and I are pretty private, unless there’s something funny to tell about our relationship. But, though we’ve been known to be romantic, (you should see his amazingly well-planned-out Christmas presents to me!,) we’re never mushy. We rarely celebrate Valentine’s Day and even more rarely, our anniversary.

Because our relationship went through many phases at the beginning, (and still!,) we don’t have an actual “anniversary.” We just always count when I went to his house one day and never left! I’m the first one to admit it took me awhile to “get him,” which he says makes him feel like something out of Wild Kingdom.

To commemorate our anniversary, which we count as July 7, here are some of my favorite comments Mr. X has made on our relationship:

Once, when I was trying to be serious about our first meeting, I asked him to guess what I thought when I first saw him, and he guessed, “How quickly can I get that head on my wall?” Hmmm. He knows me too well.

One day, I was pouring my heart out to him about how I fell in love with him because he was so talented, and saying that I didn’t even know yet that he’s the funniest person there is or that he can dance, sing, and play instruments. Then I said, “Okay, now you tell me the story of how you fell in love with me,” to which he answered, “Ill let you know when that happens.” We had been together for many years at that time. Can you see why I love the guy?

People always ask if we’re married, living together, or just dating. His answer? “It’s a hostage situation.” I’m afraid I can’t even say that he’s wrong.

I once asked if he really doesn’t love me, then why doesn’t he just leave? He said, without skipping a beat, “Your will is too strong.” That it is, folks, that it is.

When we’re asked how long we’ve been together, I answer, “We’ve been together for a hundred years.” He says, “We went out for three weeks and we’re just having a long break-up.”

I asked him, “If you die first, and look down, and see me with another guy, will it be okay?” He came back with, “Well, let me ask you this–will I already have been buried?” Good question, actually.

But the best one ever was this one, but within the story, I have to tell you something that a guy said good me about once, because it’s the basis of the story. So please forgive me on this one. Remember–I didn’t say it, a guy I know did. Here it is: A not-very-supportive pal and I were at a party a few years back, and we were hanging out with several people I knew. One handsome man was telling the assemblage that his wife knew he had a crush on me, and that all the guys did. (The operative word here being “did.” Trust me.) So, when the pal was dropping me off, she very rudely asked, “Why do you think it is that guys like you, Kar? Do you think it’s your chest?” Since I’ve always disguised it, I knew that wasn’t it, but I didn’t have an answer. And her insensitive question really bothered me. When I told Mr. X of her rude query, he quickly stated, “I know exactly why guys like you.” Preening all the way, I excitedly said, “You do???” To which he gave me the supreme answer, “They don’t know you that well.” I swear, that’s my favorite comment of his of all time!

In case you’ve seen me out and about without him, it’s because he rarely goes to events, period. (Unless they involve krump dancing, that is.) Just recently, I told him that if he leaves this earth before I do, to please come back as a ghost, and we’ll just hang in the house. And then we laughed because that’s essentially what we do now! And it’s exactly how we’re going to be celebrating our anniversary today. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!